Monday, July 12, 2010

Secret Code

I really felt like I needed to write to Ryan today. So forgive me Internet. Forgive what is sure to be the most annoying blog you have ever read on my website. But with kids, work, and family, I never get to write about the man who is helps me hold my shit together.

You hear all the time that to make a marriage work you need romance, candles, flowers, and private dinners for two in dimly-lit French restaurants. But after being married for 3 years I have realized that although those are nice, they aren’t what keeps us going. (Yes Mom! I know…you are going on 28. But let’s be honest, lots of people don’t make it past 2 years, so I am going to praise myself.)

Every couple has their own secret language. Their own lexicon — phrases that have come out of some shared experience and have become an inside joke for them. I think it is that type of bond that really makes a marriage work. Knowing each other so well that you can communicate an entire feeling or moment with a word as simple as “Tam-poon.”

Allow me to explain. Ryan and I went to a restaurant close to our home one night for dinner. Towards the end of our meal, I had finished but Ryan was still picking at his steak. Our waitress, clearly distracted, came to the table and asked to clear our plates. I handed her mine but Ryan said, “I am still working on mine. Thank you.” The waitress then absent-mindedly grabbed his plate and began to remove it. Ryan held on and said “I am still eating.” But the waitress was looking in the other direction and kept pulling on his plate. Ryan then said very loudly and in one of the saddest voices I have ever heard, “But I still want it!” The waitress then realized what she was doing and apologized.

We can still look back on this moment and laugh. It was the look on Ryan’s face combined with his tone of voice added to the fact that his was holding onto his plate like a hungry kitten that made the situation so funny. And now when we want to describe a pathetic situation all we have to do is look at each other and timidly say, “But I want it.”

This is not funny to other people. In fact, you are probably reading this and wondering why you are still reading . But it is moments, like those, that in a very strange way make you closer as a couple. Those moments that you share and you can always look back and laugh about. They are what make my marriage stronger. And they always end up making me love Ryan a little more.
Ryan is an incredible man. Yes we have romantic dates and flowers. But I appreciate even more the special friendship we have together. He makes me smile and we always end up laughing even when things are not going okay. So to Ryan: thank you for being my friend and my husband. Our secret language may never make sense to anyone else but you will always know the following:

“By the rules that bind us…”
“Cause you’re the Queen of the Night”

Although we may NEVER make sense to anyone else, at least we have each other.

1 comment:

Lacie said...

I love this post!!! Before Mike and I could get the nerve to say "I Love You" on a regular basis, we decided to come up with our own word for THAT word so we didn't freak each other out.
For the first 5 months of dating we said "I Oreo You", but both completely understood that we really meant "I Love You"'s those moments that last 50 years!hil