Saturday, August 11, 2012
I Can't Stop Believing
1. As I mentioned before, Loverboy was the first band to play. I can officially announce that I am not a fan. The lead singer was too old and too large to be wearing his tight black jeans complete with pocket chain that I can only assume is attached to a Ninja Turtles Velcro wallet. His solid black button up shirt started by being tucked into his not-so-skinny jeans over a beer-belly but slowly became un-tucked as he danced around the stage. And he seemed to be pulling a Bret Michaels by wearing a red bandana to cover up his bald head. But his charm was not lost on what had to have been his biggest fan dancing in the front row. And yes, it is not the lead singer who is the first person on my list but the man in the gray shirt dancing his heart to “Working For the Weekend” From hip thrusting to spinning in circles this guy was not just a fan-he was their BIGGEST fan. He was dancing so hard with fist pumps and he didn’t care who was watching. Oh to be that free!
2. And what would a concert be without seeing some groupies? Correction: What would an 80’s concert be without seeing some groupies? It would be a sad situation for sure! Luckily we were in the perfect spot to see 2 girls, affectionately referred to as The Tank Top Girls, work their magic on the male security guards. Black Tank Top was clearly the drunker and freer loving of the girls and she was rubbing up against a big bald guard working her dance magic. And I’ll be go to hell if it didn’t work! He gave her and White Tank Top girl a couple wristbands so that they could go shake it right in front of the stage. But the best part was when the security guards rotated. Black Tank Top went to go get more beer and when she came back, the female security guards would not let her down. IT WAS AWESOME! And where was White Tank Top? She was making out with a guy she met down by the stage and could not have cared less where her friend was. Classy ladies!
3. But it was not just the spectators who were having a great time. There was one concessions man who knew every word to every song played by every band. And occasionally he would stop walking and launch into the most amazing dance routines that I have ever been privileged to. With his waist long black hair flowing freely he would air-guitar or do this weird jumping jack move in his tight black jeans. I wish I loved my job as much as that man obviously does.
4. And the outfits…oh the outfits! I have never seen so much animal print in one place! Leopard print, tiger print, and zebra print! OH MY! My favorite piece of animal clothing was a t-shirt that at first glance looked like a normal zebra print shirt but was actually just a giant picture of a zebra head. Unfortunately I might have to arm wrestle my sister for it because she loved it even more than I did.
5. Sticking with the subject of the clothing my Dad’s favorite item of the night was the tall skinny guy who had on faux red leather pants that were so tight his barely-there butt still had a giant crack showing! Don’t worry Dad! I am searching the Internet now for your next Christmas present. Best part is that they will be red so you can wear them Christmas Day! HORRAY!
6. But probably the best outfit I saw you could hardly classify as an outfit at all. Becca and I were enjoying people watching when we saw a 13-year-old girl walk past with tiny little shorts on. Becca looked at me and said, “That girl is too young to be wearing shorts like that.” Not even 30 seconds later a tall, bleach-blond, 50-something lady walked past wearing shorts so tiny that we could practically see her fish whistle. All I could manage to say was “And she’s too old.” Seriously…I need therapy now.
7. After all that fun I bet you could not picture it getting any better right? IT DID! Can we say concert beach balls!?! My sister Becca hit her very first concert beach ball. Shortly after that she got hit in the face with that same concert beach ball. Ahhh…memories.
8. Becca wasn’t the only person who was loving the beach balls. In front us there was a woman who proudly got the ball. She promptly turned and attempted to hit the ball but unfortunately spiked the ball directly into someone’s face. Best part? She saw it hit but simply shrugged and turned back to the stage to continue rocking.
9. Better than people watching was the people listening. After Loverboy as the crew was prepping the stage for Pat Benatar there was a guy behind us that I overheard saying, “Pat Benatar? Don’t know him.”
10. But my absolute favorite part of the night had to have been the drunken guy behind us who kept on spewing the best verbal poop ever! Some of his best moments were “I saw that ball coming towards your head and I thought about hitting it but I didn’t because I am drunk.” Or maybe you might enjoy “Before I lost my hair I had my mullet.” Or my favorite that he yelled at two girls, “Hot tamales! 2 for $1.00!” Oh yes Drunk Man! Women love being compared to bad Mexican food that is probably going to give you diarrhea. If I wasn’t married to a man that is smart and classy…I would have been in love. I could not stop laughing.
So there you go. My top 10 favorite things from the Journey concert. If you want to have a good time that has nothing to do with the band you are watching, I highly suggest you check out any 80’s concert you can. You will have the time of your life! Much love to you all!