And a happy new year...

This past weekend was a great weekend for me. Not only was it Gabe’s first Christmas but we also got to have Sera with us as well. It was so special to be able to have both of our kids with us this holiday. Sera was supposed to be with her Mom that weekend but Ryan traded with her because Sera and her Mom went on a vacation to Forks, Washington the week before which would have normally been Ryan’s weekend.

To start I just have to share because Sera is so funny. When Ryan and I asked her about her vacation to Forks, WA she didn’t really know what to say. You see, Forks is the town where the Twilight series is set and Sera is now starting to read the Twilight series and says that her crush is Edward. (Personally I think she is too young to be worrying about boys-even fictional vampire boys.) And that he is so cute and wears make-up but not like girls wear make-up.

When we asked her what she did on her vacation, she kind of shrugged her shoulders and said, “We threw rocks in the ocean and took a picture in front of the Welcome to Forks sign.” I smiled and said that I bet the ocean was really pretty. Then her face lit up and she almost yelled “And I saw Bella’s truck!” It was like suddenly it came to her and I just had to laugh. It was pretty funny to see the look on her face. But then she quickly added, “But I know it’s not the REAL truck because Twilight isn’t real. Vampires aren’t really real…did you know that?” I told her yes and then she nodded her head and that was it.

This weekend Ryan and I also got to talk to Sera about angels. While driving home one night Sera told Ryan and me that she is her family’s guardian angel. She said that she is here to help her family through their sadness and hard times. This was so sweet. I know Sera loves to help people but it breaks my heart that such a sweet little soul is so weighed down with adult issues. I feel bad that she feels the need to worry about grown-up problems. I wish that she could just be the sweet funny little girl that I love and not worry so much. But that is how Sera is. Once she has something in her mind, she stays very focused.

She also told me that her Dad, Gabe, and I are all her guardian angels because we are her family and we take such good care of her. She talked about how her name is a type of angel and that she is going to be our angel and always watch over us. Then she yawned and her eyes got a little watery. She asked Ry and I if our eyes did that too and when we said yes she said, “Well that must be a way to tell if people are angels or not. If you get tears when you yawn then you’re an angel.” I cannot help but smile when she says things like this. She really is something special and I am so blessed to have her in my life. I can only pray that Ryan and I continue to do the best that we can for her and that she will always know just how much we love her. She may not understand some of the things that we do, but some day, she will. She’ll understand why and she will love us even more for always trying to keep her best interest at heart.

Gabe also had a great weekend. He had a tough Christmas Eve because he got passed around so much. I have never seen him act like that before. He got so fussy. And then because he just wanted some comfort, he ate two full bottles! TWO! I honestly thought he was going to be sick and barf all over me but he didn’t. Once he ate he seemed to be better but was still a little cranky. With all the new faces, and people holding him, he just got a little overwhelmed.

Christmas morning was fun too. I know he is really too little to enjoy Christmas but we did it anyway. Santa brought him a rattle, a toy for his car seat, some clothes, and my personal favorite-a bib that says “Zombie Snack” (You have to know Ryan to understand why Santa brought Gabe this gift.) Gabe also got a cube that plays music, some more clothes, some more toys, a book, lots of blocks, and Gabe’s favorite thing-his ExerSaucer. I mean, just look at how much this kid loves he ExerSaucer. (Ryan and I about wet our pants when he did this!)

When all was said and done, we had a FABULOUS Christmas with our kids. But Sera and Gabe bring so much joy into our lives. I don’t know where I would be without my family.

Ryan, I love you with all my heart. And even though you get competitive when playing Sorry, you always make me smile. I would be lost without you Ryan. You are an INCREDIBLE father no matter what other people may think. I know that you ALWAYS do what is best for both of your kids. And I know that they both love you so much. Never waiver in your faith in yourself or in God because you truly are doing the right thing. Thank you for loving me, despite all my faults. Thank you allowing me to be a part of Sera’s life. And thank you for the gift of our son Gabe. This Christmas season I truly realized that my family is the biggest gift I could have ever hoped to receive. Love to you all and I hope your holiday was as good as ours!

A Eulogy...for Mac

Today is a sad day. My Grandpa Jim’s dog Mac passed away this morning. So in honor of Mac, I am going to write him a eulogy. I know this will not ease my Grandpa’s pain but it may help the rest of us remember Mac in our own special way.

General Douglas Macarthur “Mac”-Herndon

Born: November 24, 1995

Died: Monday December 21, 2009

Age: 15 Years (Human) 105 Years (Dog)

General Douglas Macarthur joined our family Christmas Eve about 15 years ago. I remember the night well. We were having our yearly Christmas Eve party at my Aunt Kathy’s & her then husband Larry’s house in Salt Lake. Mac, as we called him for short, was hiding in the bar area of their home in a kennel. Just a tiny puppy then, the grandkids kept trying to sneak peeks at the little shitzu. He was a gift for my Grandpa Jim from my Grandma Diane.

Ever since that night Mac has been a part of our family. He has attended every event my Grandma would allow my Grandpa to bring him too and even some when she had told him no. I can remember Mac from the time I was a child to the last time I saw him a couple week s ago. And I know how much he meant to my Grandpa, as well as my Grandma.

Mac led a life of comfort. Right from the start he got what he wanted. Mac was given every type of human food you could imagine-even those the veterinarian warned my grandparents against. And despite what we all thought would happen Mac did not die of a doggy heart attack or diabetes. No, he proved us all wrong.

Mac even had comforts like a doggy car seat. (My grandparents’ children didn’t have car seats when they were younger, but Mac did.) Mac had special rugs, toys, water bottle, brushes, and even a little sweater when he was younger. As Mac got older, he became too grumpy and would no longer wear the sweater.

I have many personal memories of Mac. When he was a little puppy, my Grandma brought him to our house and he and my kitten Pinto (who has preceded him in death I assume because Pinto left one day and never came back.) played until they couldn't play anymore. They played and played and chewed each other’s ears raw. I will never forget how cute the two of them looked together.

As Mac got older, he became more and more spoiled. He would bark at the dinner table to get my grandparents to feed him. And my Grandpa would always tell him “Now you aren’t getting any of this.” But he would say that as he was feeding Mac from his fork. Needless to say, Mac never wanted for anything.

A more recent memory of Mac was when I lived with my grandparents. He was an elderly dog at this point and my guess could not hold his bodily functions as well. And more than once Mac would come into my room and poop on my floor. I would let my Grandma know and WITHOUT complaint, she would come in and clean it up. She would always apologize but she loved Mac anyway. Had it been me, I probably would have despised him.

So love him (or not) Mac was a part of all our lives because our Grandparents loved him so much. We all may have wanted to throw him in the canal out back at points, but he made Grandma and especially Grandpa, very happy. And we all have happy memories that include him-even if some of them are all the funny jokes we made about how spoiled and awful he could be.

Mac is survived by his parents Jim and Diane Herndon, siblings Kathy C. (Paul), Tracii D. (Randy), John H. (Debbie) and Karen P. (Chad) as well as many nieces and nephews. Mac is preceded in death by his gay lover, Walter the Stuffed Dog.

Goodbye Mac and rest in peace. You will be missed…by most. (But really by all of us.)

Three Months

Three months already!?! Oh my baby boy, you are three months old. You just keep growing and learning. Of course this is what you should be doing. It still never ceases to amaze me. I find myself watching you and trying to figure out what it is you are thinking about. I always wonder what must be running through your mind.

During this last month you have experienced many firsts. Your first experience at being sick. As I posted on my earlier blog, this was quite the experience for me. You cried and fussed and it was so hard for me because I just didn’t know what you needed. But we made it through and you are doing great. Your cough is gone and all the remains is the occasional stuffiness.

You also had your first Thanksgiving at Grandma Karen & Grandpa Chad’s house. This was even more special because your Grandma Linda was able to come down and spend some time with you over the holidays. And even better, Sera was able to be here as well. We ate delicious food that Grandma Karen made. I helped with the relish tray and I also bought the pies. I promise that before you grow up I will learn how to make a real Thanksgiving dinner.

Grandma Linda, Grandma Karen, Aunt Becca, and I all tried to feed you real food during dinner. Sure you don’t have teeth but a little orange salad and mashed potatoes with gravy wouldn’t hurt right? It is mushy enough for you. And we weren’t going to give you HUGE spoonfuls-just a tiny taste. But your Dad, being the responsible one, told us no. After a little begging on our parts he let us give you a taste of mashed potatoes with no gravy. He didn’t want you to get sick because you were having a lot of rich food. I understand of course, I just thought, for your first Thanksgiving, you deserved more than just milk.

Also during the holiday weekend you got to “watch” your first Utah vs. BYU football game. This was a very proud moment for me. I know that although you weren’t really watching it and you couldn’t really understand anything about the game that you were rooting for Utah to win. I am sad to report that Utah was unable to do this for your first game. But you wore you Ute’s outfit and weren’t ashamed to be a “classless Ute’s fan” as BYU quarterback Max Hall might assume about you. (For those of you not from around here, this is a link to explain the Max Hall comment. http://www.examiner.com/x-19632-Salt-Lake-City-Headlines-Examiner~y2009m11d30-BYUs-Max-Hall-post-game-comments-and-apology-to-the-University-of-Utah)

Developmentally I have seen great things from you. You like to talk a lot more now. You gurgle and babble when you are in a good mood. You’ll coo and give little squeaks and I will talk right back. I only wish I could understand what it was you are trying to tell. I am going to guess that you must be telling me how much you love your Dad, Sera, and me.

You have also been reaching out and grabbing at things a lot more. I think that now that you are really able to hold your head up, you can focus more on what is around you. You love the doggy rattle that Aunt Becca gave you at my baby shower especially. It attaches to your car seat and you grab onto that thing and hold onto it for dear life. You try to get it in your mouth and when you can’t you get mad. It is cute to watch you try and figure everything out. It makes me so proud when I see you accomplish these things.

I have also been working harder on giving you tummy time. You hate this. You scream at me after about two minutes of being on your tummy. I am going to tell you now, there are going to be a lot of things that I do for you that you are going to hate. But please know that I only do these things because they are good for you. You need to get your back muscles stronger so that you can start to sit up. So smile and know that I do it all for you in the long run.

Your Dad and I love you Bubba. You are our little Gabezilla, Zilly-Willy, Senor Wiggle Bottom, Captain Wiggles, Bubs, Gabes, Gabey-Baby, Gabester, or Mr. Smiley Pants. No matter what we call you though, you are our Baby boy and we look forward to seeing what next month will bring us. Happy 3 month birthday day my sweet baby boy.

Bored Family+Crafty Mormons=TERROR

All people fear something. (Except for Chuck Norris maybe.) And some people fear irrational things. I once saw this episode of Maury where he was forcing people to deal with their irrational fears. There was this lady that was afraid of pickles and they brought out a GIANT barrel of pickles and boy did she run. I always wondered if that lady was just putting on a show or if she was really afraid of small delicious wrinkled cucumbers. The world may never know.

I have my own irrational fears. I hate dolls...mostly creepy porcelain dolls or ventriloquist dummies. I am also afraid of spiders because I think they are all out to lay babies in my ear or eat my face. I also am afraid of nuclear war fallout. But also...clowns. I HATE CLOWNS!

You never know who is behind the mask and/or face paint. And they laugh and you can fit 20 into a Volkswagon! COME ON! That ain't natural. It is superhuman...scary super human. Right now there could be 20 giggling facepainted freaks hiding in your car...tell me that thought won't keep you up tonight.

Honestly, my mom (God bless her.) watched this movie on the SciFy channel when I was little called "Attack of the Killer Clowns" which from what I can remember involved clowns from space wrapping people in cotton candy cocoons and then sucking their blood through straws. She also watched "It" which involved a killer clown. How could I not be scared of them right? (On a side note: for years I also made sure the lid to the toilet seat was always down and the bathroom door shut tight because I thought the "It Monster" was going to sneak out of our commode and kill me. Thanks for all those fun memories Mom!)

So Ry and I go on a date tonight and what do I come home to? Someone has left me a surprise. A terrifying surprise. And who would do such a thing? Why my sister and parents of course. I don't need to say much from here on out. The pictures will do my talking. I just want to thank my family. Thank them for making me the next canidate for some talk show. MOVE OVER CRAZY PICKLE LADY!

Shining Moments

As many of you know we did our family photos on Sunday November 15th at Gardner Village in Midvale. There are many situations that cause me stress, mostly because I have anxiety problems, but this one takes the cake recently. I was worried out of my mind about those photos. Allow me to explain.

It started Friday night. My sister Becca was in town for her classes at the U of U and was staying at our house. Ryan and I had planned on going shopping Friday night to get sweaters for the family. This task alone was keeping me up at night. What color? Should we all have different colors? WHAT? Becca then slapped me in the face and told me to snap-the-hell out of it. (Not really.) But she did suggest the color scheme of blue, green, and brown. And after over an hour at Old Navy, we found sweaters for Ryan, Sera, and myself.

Being at the Old Navy was nearly sending me into a panic attack. And no, I am not kidding. For one thing, I hate being in crowded stores. And second, I was on a very tight deadline for finding outfits for all of us. Third, I was planning on all of us wearing jeans but then I was convinced khakis would look better and I DON’T OWN KHAKIS! (I did have brown slacks though, so it was okay.) And fourth, I had so many opinions other then my own coming in, that it was a little, no A LOT, overwhelming. My sister’s opinion was welcome because I invited her for that reason. Then Ryan wanted to put his two cents in which is okay because they are his pictures too. And the dressing room attendant spoke her mind. And finally Sera was telling us all what she thought. It was a little much for me. I wanted to curl into the fetal position in my dressing room and go to my happy place where it rains gummy bears and snows marshmallows and family pictures turn out flawless with no effort on my part.

So we find 3 of the 4 outfits needed. Gabe still has nothing. Old Navy didn’t have anything green for him to wear. So I decided to let him go naked. No, actually, we drove across the street to the Carter’s store. (I should NEVER be allowed to go into the store unsupervised. I would probably buy everything that fit him. It is all so cute!) And after searching around another crowded store for a few minutes, I find a cute green and brown outfit for him. No we can go home and I can lay in the darkness and unwind my nerves.

Saturday passes and I still have Sunday on my mind. I am so nervous that it is going to be a blizzard and that we won’t be able to get our pictures done. And it has been hard finding a weekend when we have Sera and our photographer has the time. So I am praying to Chione, the goddess of snow, that the snow stops before Sunday. Please don’t let it snow on picture day!

Sunday arrives and I have the butterfly feeling in my stomach. I try to curl my hair, no luck. It doesn’t want to hold a curl. Strike one. I go to fix Sera’s hair. She gets upset because I need to use hair spray. Strike two. Go to put Gabe in his new outfit. I cannot find it. Strike three. I am in meltdown.

I begin searching the house for Gabe’s outfit. I know right where I left it. It was in a plastic bag on the end table in the living room. I know it! But now it is not there. Ryan very kindly starts helping me look. I am tearing apart my bedroom while he searches downstairs. Not there. I check the kid’s room. Not there. I check the bathrooms and the guest room. Still nothing.
I ask Ryan to check the garbage can outside because maybe it got thrown away. He goes out and looks and reports back with nothing. Now I am really panicking. Honestly, I was near tears. I don’t handle these situations well. And the next part of this story will demonstrate this even more.

In a last ditch effort I ask Ryan to check the garbage outside again. He goes outside and I walk to the door to watch him. He opens the lid to the nearly full can and stares into it…just looks. He doesn’t move any bags our shift to see deeper into the can. He simply looked in. (Remember I am admitting fault here!)

I storm outside towards the garbage cans. I ask Ryan to move Sera’s car seat to my car and I will look for Gabe’s outfit. I open the almost full can and begin transferring garbage from the can into our empty can next to it. One by one I remove pieces of garbage until I see it. The bag that holds Gabe’s outfit…and it is covered in pizza sauce. I feel my blood pressure rising. In Ryan’s attempt to clean, he threw away Gabe’s outfit on accident. And then when I asked him to look for the outfit, he just opened the can and looked inside. He didn’t actually look deeper into the can. I was seeing red at that point.

I pick up the bag covered in sauce and hold it up so Ryan can see. (He was still trying to get Sera’s car seat in.) His eyes got wide and his face fell a little. He knows he made a mistake. And I, in a brilliant moment of maturity, throw the sauce-covered bag at his car windshield. That’s right…threw it at his car. I didn’t even say anything I just threw it.

I don’t tell this story to make Ryan look bad. He made a mistake, which we all do. And felt bad and apologized for it. I tell this story to show how stupid I acted. Who throws garbage at their husband’s car when he simply made a mistake? Someone who apparently needs to work on how she handles stress.

Turns out the outfit made it out with only a tiny spot of sauce on the back of the fleece jacket. I was able to wipe it off and no one knew. Ryan swore that Gabe smelled like a garbage can though. I couldn’t smell it and neither could my mom. I think poor Ryan just felt so guilty about what happened. And that is my fault! I should have handled it much better than I did. But no, I threw a hissy fit. So I am publicly apologizing to Ryan right now. I AM SORRY I ACTED LIKE A TWO-YEAR-OLD!

When we got to Gardner Village the pictures went well. It wasn’t snowing. We made it on time. We had on our appropriate outfits and no one smelled like trash. It was a good day. And honestly, we had fun. I love getting my pictures taken. It makes me feel special. And I have wanted to get pictures of Gabe and Sera together while Gabe is still a baby. And since Sera often moves with little warning, we took the opportunity to get our family pictures done.
I think the turned out amazing! We used the same photographer that took our wedding day photos. Her name is Courtney Ryan and she does a GREAT job at a really affordable price. If anyone is interested in her info, drop me a line and I will give it to you. We have used her services twice and we have not been disappointed.

When all was said and done the day went well. And I cannot wait to get the prints done and hung up in my living room. Pictures are the one thing I would be sure to grab in a house fire (after my family of course.) because they are such an important part of my past. Gabe and Sera will never be this little again and with these picture, I will always be able to remember it perfectly. And with kids this cute, who wouldn’t take as many pictures as possible?

Sick and Tired

The last week I was home with a tiny sick baby. This was my first real experience with Gabe being sick. It started early Tuesday morning. Gabe woke up for his normal 3 a.m. meal and was very congested. He was snorting and gurgling with every cry. I felt bad for him but there isn’t much you can do. With a baby as young as he is, there aren’t really any medicines that will help with congestion.

I should have known something else was wrong, however, because he wouldn’t go back to sleep. Ry and I assumed it was because he couldn’t breathe well and so he was fussy. We each took a turn that morning and I thank Ryan for his patience. I was with Gabe until about 4:15 am and then Ryan took him until about 5:30 which is when he needed to get up and start getting ready for work. So then I took him back but noticed that he was very sweaty and warm.

I kept him with me until about 6 am because I needed to take a shower so that I could get ready for work as well. Ryan held him while I jumped in and decided to take him temperature. When Ryan took it, it was 99.6 which isn’t really high. I got out of the shower and Ry headed off to work. Me, being the paranoid person that I am, decided to check his temperature again at about 6:30 and it now read 100.4. Now I am worried. Not only is he plugged up like my bathtub drain and can’t breathe because of it, but now he is running a fever. There is no way I am taking him to daycare now.

So I call my work and let them know I won’t be in. (BTW, I work with the most amazing people! They were 100% understanding of the situation. THANKS LADIES!) And then I called my doctor’s office. Gabe’s doctor opens at 7 am which is nice and they worked us in at 8:15 am.
We get there and do all the basic stuff. Listen to his heart rate-sounds good. Take his weight-now at 14 and ½ pounds. (The average weight for a 3 month baby is 12.56 Pounds and Gabe at 10 weeks weighs 14 and 1/2….BIG BOY!) Then they check his temperature-101.6 HOLD ON! That is not normal, nor is it good. So the doctor comes in and listens to his lungs and decides that Gabe needs a chest x-ray. Oh hell. I almost passed out when he had his blood drawn, how am I going to handle this?

And yes, the passing out comment is true. At Gabe’s one month appopintment back on September 21st Gabe had to have his blood drawn to get his PKU test done. So I am holding Gabe while the nurse pricks him in the heel with a needle and starts squeezing blood onto this test card. I am doing okay and I start feeling hot and sweaty. Then my vision quickly starts to get tunneled and as I am asking my sister Becca to take Gabe from me, me knees get weak and my stomach drops. I hurried and sat down and put my head between my knees. Becca said I was really pale and it took me a few minutes to recover. I was glad she was there to help me. So after that, how I am supposed to take him for a chest x-ray? I am going to be sick!

I walk over to the area of the clinic that does x-rays. The technician is nice and tries to explain to me that because babies can’t sit up, nor will they hold still that there is a “device” they use to help to get the x-ray. He went on about how it works and more about why but I quit listening when I saw the contraption. It looks like a torture device. And good ol’ Google had an image of one.

There are a few things wrong with this that I would like to point out. First, the room appears to be brightly lit-this is not the case. The room was almost dark. Also this baby is facing out-in real life, they face a wall so the machine can take a picture of their back. And lastly, and most important, notice how calm this baby is. THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN! The baby in this picture must have been given a valium to keep him this still. The plexy-glass sides of this torture device are cold and when the stuff a baby into this thing when they aren’t feeling good, the cold doesn’t help. Poor Gabe was hungry, sick, cold, and probably scared and I couldn’t do anything to help him. He just sat there screaming, which the technician informed me was really a good thing because it means his lungs are working and they will get good images. Sorry but that doesn't make me feel any better about my screaming baby. It just makes my boobs and my heart hurt.

So after that they take a flu test on him and they send us on our merry way. Turns out Gabe didn't have the flu. Do I feel like I put him through hell for nothing? A little. But he won't remember it so I am okay. I say this but years later when he is in therapy, he will being this up. And then I will really feel like an ass.

He is doing much better now. Still a little congested and snorts when he eats. It makes me laugh which makes me sound kind of mean. The point of this blog was to share my first experience with Gabe being sick and it is turning out to be more proof that I am a HUGE jerk. I should probably stop talking now.

Here is proof that Gabe is doing better. And do you notice his onesie? It says "I LOVE MOMMY" and yes, that is a shameless plug for myself. If child services ever shows up at my house I wil put down my crack pipe, take the beer away from Gabe, and put this onesie on him. It is my proof that I am a fit parent. What kid would wear this if it wasn't true?

Pet Peeves

We all have those little “pet peeves” that eat at us. Annoying habits of others that make us want to lash out in acts of violence? No? Not you? I am the only one who wants to resort to punching? Well fine! Go ahead and be the Dalai Lama. I am going to do what I do best and tell those of you who read this what my top ten biggest pet peeves are. And if you are doing these things, don’t do them around me. (I just warned you about the violence didn’t I?)

Rachel’s Top Ten Pet Peeves

01. People Who Ask Obvious Questions: Questions, for example, like “Do you just love your baby all the time?” Let me think…no. I don’t. In fact, I was wondering if you might take him off my hands seeing as you are obviously a GENIUS! Exactly how shallow is your gene pool for you to ask me such a stupid question? Of course I love him. Now please, go get some condoms so that you will NEVER reproduce.

02. People Who Blow Theirs Noses in Restaurants: The last thing I want to hear while I am trying to enjoy my Egg Drop Soup is you expelling boogers from your nose. I know we all get a little stuffy from time to time, but if you have to BLOW your nose, excuse yourself to the bathroom.

03. Wearing Dog Collars For Jewelry: They are made for dogs for hells sake! And it seems that over the past month, I have been seeing kids doing this A LOT! In fact, here is an example for you to feast upon. Do you realize what this says about you? No one thinks you are cool and edgy. It just makes us want to smack you with a rolled up newspaper and rub your noses in your own poop.

04. People Who Steal Your Parking Spot: Do you really want to do that? I mean, think about this. You steal MY parking spot that I was obviously waiting for and then leave your car to go into a store…unmanned. It gives me a perfect opportunity to spit on your windshield. Maybe you should find somewhere else to park huh?

05. Brown Bananas at the Grocery Store: It can’t be that hard to find some nice fresh bananas can it? Maybe even a little green? So why in the hell does it seem that the Smith’s by my house only has brown ones. Damn you Smith’s produce.

06. Eavesdroppers: Sometimes we all hear other people conversations. Hell, sometimes we do it on purpose. But it is a whole other thing to then jump into that conversation with your two cents. Like when you are standing in line somewhere discussing a recent movie with your friend and some whack-a-doo in front of you turns around and tells you how horrible that movie really is. Thanks for that Mr. Creepy Man…good thing I wasn’t discussing something more personal huh? Now SHUT UP!

07. The Garbage Truck That Comes To My House: This has only becoming a recent pet peeve of mine. First off, the thing sounds like it is housing a bunch of epileptic drummers and might at any moments fall to pieces or blow up. It is so loud! And then the guys who dump the trash cans just toss them anywhere they please once they are done. Like tossing the lid of my garbge can into the ONE PILE of dog poop that I missed picking up. A whole patch of grass and you toss my lid into that poo pile. Thanks for that extra special gift.

08. Ryan, When He Won’t Smash a Spider: This may not seem like much to you, but when you have a spider crawling around that might eat your face, and your husband is taking his time on smashing it, come talk to me. It could get away in the time he is dinking around. And then it will know that I wanted it dead. And it will go and get all its creepy little spider friends and they will all come into my house and have babies and then I DIE! Dramatic? I think not.


09. Pushy Sales People: No I don’t want to rent another movie at half price or order something for desert or sign-up for your credit card to get a 20% discount. Just leave me alone and give me my effing receipt. Thank you.

10. “Neighbor’s" Annoying Chihuahua & Pug: I don’t normally have issues with dogs that bark a little. I mean, dogs will be dogs. But this guy, who normally isn’t a real friendly guy anyway, lets his dogs out into his patio area and they bark and bark and bark. And they’ve got those little yappy tiny barks. It makes me want to throw things at them like water balloons or tomatoes or car batteries.


Now naturally there are many more things that annoy me because that is just the way it is. So don’t criticize my list or you might end up on the next one. Love to you all!