Sometimes It Really Is About Me

A friend of mine who I have known for about 11 or 12 years recently wrote a blog about trying to find out who she is. First off, I can tell you that she is amazing. She is stronger than she gives herself credit for and she is smart. She has come such a long way in her life and gone through more than I ever have or hopefully will. But she talked about trying to discover who she is and what makes her happy. I found this to be so interesting because how many of us are brave enough to admit that we don’t know who we are really?

It got me thinking about who I am. I assumed that I know who I am but most of that is in relation to who I am to other people. If I were to strip away what everyone else thought of me, both good and bad, what would be left?

1. I am a writer. I claim that this blog is so that my family can keep up-to-date on what I am doing but really, it is for me. I love expressing myself in such a fluid form. When I write, I write to make other people see or feel certain things. And when people tell me I am funny based on what they have read it makes me so happy.

2. I am an entertainer. I love to throw parties or make dinner for my family. I love telling stories and making everyone around me laugh. I love entertaining in various forms and each way makes me feel good.

3. I am a cook. Something about cooking a delicious meal (or even attempting something that turns out to taste like farts.) makes me feel creative. I love being creative and taking raw ingredients and turning it into something that I can put on my dinner table. I love cooking new things and trying out new ingredients. I love making my “go-to” meals and hearing how much my husband loves them. I love to cook.

Yes, I am a mother and I cherish my kids. Yes, I am a wife and have an amazing husband. I am a friend, a co-worker, a sister, a daughter, a granddaughter, and more. But I am also a person and I need to embrace who I am. So thank you to my friend who reminded me of that because I think it is something we all need to be reminded of once in a while. Much love to you all!

All Growed Up & Married

On September 1st my little (Okay not so little.) brother Byron married his soul mate Holly. I do not think he could have found a woman who fits him any better. Holly has a great sense of humor and doesn’t get embarrassed by pretty much anything Byron does. She can put up with our whacko family and still seems to like us. She is smart, kind, and I know that she makes my brother so happy.

I am, shall we say, hard to please when it comes to who my siblings choose as partners. I vetoed quite a few for my sister. I guess I am so bad that Spencer was a little nervous to meet me. WHATEVER! Truth is, my siblings are 2 of my best friends and I only want the best for them. If that makes me a scary hard-to-please Biatch…so be it!

Holly and Byron are one amazing couple and I am so happy that they found each other. I love seeing my brother so happy and I just want to publically thank Holly for loving him and for being there for him. Now get busy and have a kid since the Larsen’s can’t seem to get with the program.

Another great thing that happend that day? Gabe made a new friend in Holly's niece Avery. Aren't they ADORABLE!?!? She is such a sweet little girl and loved giving Gabe hugs.
It was a happy day for so many people but Gabe was really getting hungry and he needed a nap.
I need to give a shout out to Holly's amazing sisters Linsey, Amanda, and Eleasha, who I now kind of love! These 3 girls are awesome and are so freaking fun to be around.

To Holly and Byron: I love you both and wish nothing but the best for you!
But I can't talk about how great Byron and Holly are without giving some attention to my sister Becca and her incredible husband Spencer. We are all grateful he chose Becca over chocolate!
And of course I should pay tribute to my own husband who never stops trying to make me smile! I love you Ryan!

Cross It Off His Bucket List

Ryan once told me that before he died he wanted to go skydiving. I thought he was crazy because unless it is on fire, there is no good reason to jump out of a plane. But I love him and want him to achieve his dreams so for our anniversary I bought him a tandem jump along with a video and pictures. Yay for him!

After many attempts and having to cancel because of weather, today we were finally able to get him out to Skydive Utah in Erda, UT.

Safety is the first priority so Ryan had to watch a video and learn a few things before he could jump. When it is your first jump you have to jump with someone which is called a tandem jump. The tandem master does almost all the work which takes a lot of pressure and worry of the first-timer.

After getting hooked up into his harness they got a few pictures of the family. My guess was this was just in case this is the last time we ever see Ryan in one piece. Just kidding!
Ryan's parents also got to be there to see Ryan live one of his dreams.

To jump safely the plane was to reach a height of 13,000 feet. It probably felt like one of the longest moments of his life but he kept a big smile on his face! I can tell from the pictures hownervous but also how trilled he was to be doing this. That was his tandem partner Avery behind him in the blue shirt.

So he assumed the correct position which looks similar to a banana with chicken wings and you jump from the plane to go free-falling to Earth. I love Ryan's face in this picture because he looks like his heart is racing and and he is having an awesome time.

And even while plummeting to the ground he is still smiling and giving the experience 2 thumbs up.

He is obviously having the time of his life!

Once you reach a certain altitude the instructor pulls the cord and deploys the parachute. On the way down, Avery asked Ryan if he wanted to do a few loops in the air. Ryan wasn't sure but agreed. He said the the first loop made his stomach do a flip but then he loved it and asked if they could it again. He is a fearless guy!

After Ryan landed and got unstrapped the photographer asked him what he thought about the experience and he said, "That was so bad ass!" He had a fantastic flight and could not stop smiling the whole way home.

For me, it was an incredible experience to watch the man I love accomplish something that was a big deal for him-he already wants to go again! Ryan is brave and loves to try new things. I could not be happier that I was able to help him achieve the dream. I love you Ryan and I hope that I can be there for you when to reach all your goals in life.

Why do I bowl? HONESTLY!

I have discovered that the word blog is a “4 Letter Word” in my life at times. I want to do it and I take pictures so that I can fill this site with memories that someday my children will hopefully cherish. And then…I fall asleep watching Tosh.0. Yes Internet, I watch Tosh.0 instead of writing about my family, but have you seen that show? Hilarious!

So Friday Mar 4th Ryan and I were tired of our son looking like a Moonshine-Making Hillbilly and took him to get his haircut. Not to mention, I had a date later that night. No, not with Ryan. I had a date with a lovely lady named Lacie. Now okay, Ryan and her husband Mike were invited but she and I both know this night was about us getting together and making each other laugh our butts off. Those two just came along to get us beer and/or food.

So we took Gabe to this little place that Ryan goes to get his haircut. We walk in and all I hear is a T.V. that is turned up to the MAX volume to some Asian Soap Opera. Also, on the floor by the front desk is a little tiny shrine with a plate of tangerines in front of it. Seriously Ryan?

We wait a few minutes before Tiffany (Her name is not really Tiffany I AM SURE!) motions for us to come on over. She was sweet and her Vietnamese accent was thick. She gave Gabe a sucker and tried to start. But as soon as those clippers came on so did his screeching. You would have thought she was trying to remove his head with those things.

He fought and screamed the whole time. And poor “Tiffany” kept smiling and trying to stay calm although I am pretty sure she wanted to duct tape him down. By the end, Gabe had “Tiffany’s” spray bottle and was squirting his Dad in the face with two suckers in his other hand. I was taking pictures but most of them just make me look like a bad parent for allowing some person to torture my child.

I did get this picture once we were safely out of the salon and back in our car. “Tiffany” really like hair gel. Before I could really say no she was slathering the goop all over his head and turning him into Sonic the Hedgehog. Glorious!


After the trauma of Manhattan Salon, we met up with Mike and Lacie for some bowling. I love Lacie because we cannot stop laughing or giggling when we are together. (But what do you expect when you have known someone for 11+ years?) We have been through some crap together and haven’t always stayed close but I admire her and love to hang with her when we can. And might I also add that she recently got married to a great guy named Mike who seemed to be able to put up with me, my strange husband, and Gabezilla all in one night. And on top of that, Mike has a great sense of humor and was able to put up with us for a whole night of bowling. Yeah, he is pretty cool.

Of course, I sucked at bowling. I tried to play it off like I wasn’t really trying that hard but to Ryan, Lacie, and Mike, I will admit now, I was. I was trying to be a good bowler and I am sorry that I SUCK! But at least we all got a good laugh at the expense of my stunning display. I definitely should have had more beer but then the chances of me falling on my butt in front of everyone increase and I am not sure I would have wanted that either.



All in all, it was great night and I am so glad that I got to spend that time with my family and friends. I want a bowling rematch with the Messerly’s but I think I need to practice a little more first. And Gabe, may I just apologize in advance if you happen to inherit my bowling skills…just know that you will always be good for a laugh and the it was your handicap score will be for.

Much love to you all!

I LOVE YOU ALL! SERIOUSLY!

I know that everyone is expecting a Gabe blog, and trust me, it is coming! I have lots to share about Gabe. But I quickly wanted to share my thoughts on an issue that hits very close to home for me.

Please understand this first and foremost: I am grateful that we love in America where people have the freedom to live their lives as they choose. I embrace that freedom by living my life in the way I choose. My husband has been to Iraq to help other people get the same opportunities to have that freedom. I respect that everyone has the right to feel how they want to feel. And I understand that not everyone who reads this blog is going to agree with me on this issue.

I was raised to believe that God loves everyone. EVERYONE! There are people in this world that I detest with every fiber of my soul and I still have to accept the fact that God loves them. THEM! Really?!?! Yes really. And as much as I think there is no way anyone could really love this person, God does.

I have heard the saying “God doesn’t make mistakes” many times in my life. When I was younger and hated myself, it was said to me on more than one occasion. And I have come to believe that it is, in fact, true. God loves all his creations because he made them. He knew when he made me that I was going to be the size that I am. And God loves me, just as I am. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t want me to be healthy, but he loves me either way.

God loves me even though I don’t attend church on a regular basis. He knows that I believe he is out there and that he listens to me when I need him. I know that he loves my family and friends that do attend church just as much as he loves me. God just wants us to be good people. And truth is, even when we are not, he loves us anyway.

God loves us not matter our gender, religion, skin color, or…sexual preference. I know that God loves people who are gay. God doesn’t care because, well, he made them knowing that was the way they were going to be. It isn’t a choice for them just like I didn’t choose to be heterosexual. Who would choose to fall in love with someone of the same sex knowing that they would not have the same rights? Who would choose to have their relationship judged and deemed unworthy? Would you choose that? I know I wouldn’t. I believe that just as I love who comes naturally to me, so does everyone else.

And yes, there are gay rights activists that are loud, pushy, and obnoxious. But there are anti-gay activists that are just as bad. You will find pushy, rude, hateful people on both sides of any argument. That is just the way it is…I mean, look at the Democrats and Republicans!

I have people that I love and cherish who are gay. And I would never be so bold to assume that I am better than them and deserve more because I am heterosexual. I have friends who are of an ethnic minority and I don’t feel like I am better than them either. I have family and friends who are very religious and I know that they love me even though I don’t believe the same as they do. Hell, I have Atheist friends who might think I am a little weird for believing in a higher power, but they still love me and would do anything for me.

I guess the moral of this blog is, I don’t care how you live your life as long as you don’t care how I live mine. And no matter what, God loves us all. He loves us despite the mean and cruel things we do to each other. And I think He just wants us all to get along and quit judging each other.

I hope that you all take from this the message of: I will love you for you. And for those people out there that I don’t like and wish you would just go away, I may not love you, but God does and that is at least on person on your team-YAY FOR YOU!

*Imagine the Theme Song From Jaws Here*

When Gabe and I went to Logan last weekend it was brought to my attention that Gabe sort of has a rat-tail/mullet. I know...I should be ashamed. It's just, Gabe was bald for such a long time that getting his haircut has never been high on my list. And now that his hair has grown, he is business in the front and party in the back. He has a baby mullet or as Ryan calls it, a Bullet.

So tonight while giving Bubs a bath we experimented with some different styles that didn't look quite so white trash.

I call this one the "Grandpa Chad Morning Hair." My Dad is infamous for his morning hair. All he has to do is look at a pillow and BAM! His hair goes crazy. This is Gabe's interpretation of Grandpa Chad's hair.

This is what I call Gabe's "Jersey Shore" look. Although similar to Grandpa Chad hair, this is much more intentional and tends to look more like Devil Horns. I didn't let it last long because as soon as Gabe got his hair done like this he expressed a desire to go tanning and skin cancer runs in our family.

This is our final look and probably my favorite. We call this one "Mowhawk Bubs" and it makes him look tough. Just ignore the smiling red crab on the wall and you will see just how tough he really is.

After Gabe's bath it was time to dry off. Gabe's new towel that we bought from Costco is maybe the cutest thing I have ever seen. It makes me want to start singing the theme song from "Jaws." And he is just like that giant Great White with the exception that he has yet to barf up a license plate from Louisiana.

But really he isn't at all like a shark. He is my little Cuddle Bug and I am sure he is going to love that I called him that on the Internet when he reads this later in life.

And once he was all clean and dressed it was time for bed. So after kisses and hugs good night, he got tucked in with his buddy, Phil the Penguin.

Nights like this might seem boring to some people but to Ryan and I they mean so much. It is fun to spend time with Gabe and get to see him grow every day. So Gabe when you read this later in life I want you to forget the Snuggle Bug comment and be grateful for 2 things:

1. Mommy & Daddy love just being around you because you make our life brighter.

2. I was kind and have not posted any pictures of you naked from the waste down while you were in the tub.

You're welcome Gabe! Much love to you all!

A VERY Belated One-Year Birthday

HAPPY BELATED ONE-YEAR BIRTHDAY BUBBA!

My Sweet Baby Boy,

I don’t think I should be calling you a baby much anymore. My guess is that if you really understood me when I call you “baby” that you would point your chubby little finger at me and squawk. You are so incredible Gabriel, even when you are cranky. And instead of being my precious baby, you are now my wobbly little toddler.

In the time leading up to your first birthday your Dad and I pushed you so hard to get you to walk, but you were not having it. You were content with crawling and cruising. You would stand on your own in the middle of the room, which was a huge improvement.

You were communicating so well. You were pointing at things and letting out squeals to get what you want. It is cute to see you get excited when you are able to communicate what it is that you want. And although sometimes you are trying to get toys or your blanket, mostly what you want is food. Food is a good motivator for you.

On your first birthday we had a party for you at Grandma Great & Grandpa Jim’s house. They were not able to be there but they were kind enough to let us use their home and backyard. We had pizza and a dragon bounce house and lots of family and friends over to play.

For me, however, the best part came when it was time for cake. You weren’t sure at first why we put such a delicious and large piece of cake in front of you. But very quickly you decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth and began to shove handfuls of cake into your mouth. And quickly your hands became mittens of blue frosting. It was this that upset you and started the screaming. When you no longer could separate your fingers because they were so caked with frosting, you kind of freaked out. So while I dished up cake and ice cream, Aunt Becca and Nicole took you upstairs to wash you off.

Also somewhere during this period of time, “someone” started a cake fight. And just for your info Gabe, it was not I. But needless to say, lots of people ended up with blue frosting all over. And also, just because I feel the need to have it documented somewhere, I was trying to stay out of the fight and YOUR FATHER shoved frosting in my face. So someday Gabe, when you see me get even, you will be able to understand why.

It was shortly after your birthday Gabe that things got crazy in our lives. Many people who read this blog, and someday you, understand why I have not been posting. It is not that I have been too busy for you but more, things have been darkened by a certain event in our lives. One that I fear, will hurt on of the most important relationships that a person can have-the bond between siblings. Some day Gabe, when you are reading this post and get curious, I will explain anything that you have questions about. Your Dad and I will tell you what happened and why this past little bit of time has been one the most wonderful and most awful times of my life. But you need to know Gabe, that the light that you continue to bring into our lives is what helps us to keep on doing what we are doing. We want you to have the best, even if when can’t give that to someone else.

And you need to know Gabe, that your sister Sera loves you. I am sad that she does not get to see you grow and learn every day. And it breaks my heart to think that right now, you probably have forgotten who she really is. But Sera loves you Gabe. When you have grown I want you to know that she asks about you every time we talk to her. She wants us to send her pictures of you and she tries to talk to you on the phone. I hope that the bigger you get, the more of her you will be able to remember. And I pray ever night that her absence from your life is only for a short period of time.

The day that we saw Sera leave at the airport, September 27^th, was the day you took your first real steps. Before that time you had made little lunges towards thing maybe accidentally getting a step or two out of it, but it was that day, after we had seen Sera off and were back home, that you walked. It makes me cry, right this very moment, for two reasons. One, because it was something we had been trying so hard for and it was amazing to see you finally achieve. And two, because I know how badly Sera wanted to be there with you when you took your first shaky steps in this world and she missed by about an hour.

Since that day, we have not been able to slow you down. Our primitive baby proofing has proven to be amateur at best. And if there is something we don’t want you into, that is usually the first place you go. You shove your toys under the kitchen sink. You pull potholders and other utensils out of the drawers. You put crackers in the clothes dryer. You get boxes of cereal or Hamburger Helper out of the cupboard. Or my personal favorite, you unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll, play in the toilet, and then proceed to march out of the bathroom with the nasty toilet bowl brush in your hand. Learning to move with you and have a good defensive strategy is the main focus of your Dad and I. In fact, as I am typing this your Dad is in the kitchen installing child lock to the cupboard under the sink, which is sure to piss you off in the morning.

Your favorite game is peak-a-boo but not in the traditional sense. Oh sure, we can throw a blanket over our heads and yell loudly, “Gabe, where is Mama?” And soon enough you yank it off, along with a few hairs, and smile proudly as we proclaim “HERE I AM!” But even better than that, I will lay on the floor so that I am looking away from you and ask “Gabe, where are you?” and you giggle as you sneak up along side of me and peak your face around my head so that I can just barely see you out of the corner of my eye. I then clap and say, “There you are Gabe!” and you smile a clap too.

This past weekend marked your second Halloween. We celebrated with a parade with the other kids from your daycare on Friday and a visit you my work and your Dad’s work later that afternoon. You got a lot of candy on Friday and everyone thought you were almost too cute for words. Saturday we celebrated by going to Grandma Karen & Grandpa Chad’s church for a trick-or-treat parade which brought in even more candy. And after that we went to your cousin Cameron’s birthday party, which about did you in. By the point, you were so overwhelmed with candy and kids and NOISE NOISE NOISE, that you would periodically throw yourself on the floor and scream “Mama!”

It was raining Saturday night so we didn’t take you out with the neighbor kids but the did get to see you in your cute costume and you even got to partake in a few of the treats the you collected. And I will say it here, I think you are the CUTEST Yoda to ever walk the face of the Earth or any other planet for that matter.

All in all Gabriel, these have been a couple of crazy months for us all. You talk more and more. We can’t understand most of what you say but you first three words were: Dada, Mama, and Puppy. You followed quickly with Hi, No, Grandma, and Night Night. You walk and borderline run almost anywhere you go. You play games with us and like to turn the pages when we read to you. And clap and smile, even when you hear the crowd doing it during a Jazz game that your Dad and I are watching on T.V. You will mimic Grandpa Chad’s silly laugh which makes all of us laugh even harder.

I want to thank your grandparents Gabe. Your Dad’s parents, Grandpa Scott and Grandma Linda and my parents, Grandpa Chad and Grandma Karen. It is amazing to see all that they do for you and how much they love you. I know that you make them just as happy as you make your Dad and I. And I want you Grandma Linda and Grandpa Scott to know that we hope they are able to come down and see you as much as they would like, now that they are retired. We want them to have an amazing relationship with you because you are one amazing little boy.

And you are truly just that Gabe-my little boy. Not so much a baby but a little boy who loves making messes, being loud, acting silly, and giving kisses to his Mommy and Daddy. I hope that you never getting tired of giving me kisses Gabe because I cannot seem to give you enough. I am sorry for not posting all of this sooner, but I know everyone understands. I love you Gabey-Baby. Happy Belated One-Year Birthday!

Will Return...I Promise!

Sorry to all my family and friends! As many of you know Ryan and I have been dealing with some personal issues involving our daughter Sera. Suffice it to say that involves her moving to Hawaii this past Monday night. Things are still in process with all of that and I will let know you know more when I can. (I am not sure how much I should really say on my internet blog because you never know who reads it.)

Today is Gabe's 13 month birthday and I have still not posted about his AMAZING 1st birthday yet. Someday I will explain to him why there has been this lapse in posting and he will be cool and understand and then we will shotgun a beer together.

So I promise I am not gone, just trying to keep my head above water right now. Happy 13 month Birthday Bubba! I will post your 1 year blog soon and update everyone on your progress because you are a BIG BOY now! My tiny little toddler, I love your guts!

Busy Busy Bees

We had a very busy week this week. Tuesday night we had Sera and were out late with her. We had our normal Tuesday evening with dinner and games. It is a great way to spend time together as a family.

Wednesday my Grandma Diane watched Gabe while Ryan and I went to Brewvies with our neighbors. We watched one of Ryan's favorite movies Barry Gordon's The Last Dragon. It was fun to be in a theater with other people and watch the movie-it made it all so much more fun. and Gabe had fun at Grandma's house too. She said he ate a lot and then was asleep by 8:00 PM. HE NEVER DOES THAT FOR US! Grandma Great just knows what she is doing I guess.

And last night I was totally worn out! I did get this picture of Gabe eating his "G" block but shortly after I fell asleep. We move my work office yesterday and I was so worn out. I didn't even realize how worn out I really was until I ate dinner and then got ready to watch the Olympics. I was asleep by the 4th skater and didn't wake up until Ryan told me it was time to go upstairs.

But now it is time for the weekend and hopefully I will stay caught up with my blog a little bit better. And let me tell you, I am ready for a great weekend!!!

Resolute Resolutions

I guess a lot of people read this blog. I am not 100% sure. I started this blog almost 2 years ago so that Ry's family could keep up with all that we do. I didn't know that it would turn into what it has. (A bunch of hot air that some people find amusing.) So I guess I wanted to start off by thanking everyone for reading. I know that many of my family and friends having taken to stopping by and seeing what is pissing me off this week and that means a lot. Or you are just checking in to make sure that you are not the thing that is pissing me off this week. Either way, thanks.

2009 was a great year for me, as most of you know. Sera moved back to Utah. I had my first baby, Gabe-zilla. And Ryan made it safely back after 6 months of school in Mississippi. But as far as my 2009 resolutions, I tanked. I mean, I really failed to complete any of them in a truly spectacular manor. I wanted to go to the gym at least 2 times a week...nope. I wanted to read one book every month...not even close. I wanted to write some of my book at least once a week...there were times I didn't even work on it once a month. (No, you cannot read it yet!)

So with 2010 here I am going to try again. No excuses this time. I need to get off my ass and follow through. And I am posting it here, on my blog, so that I am more likely to at least try. With all my family and friends who read this, it will hold me more accountable. Are you ready Internet? Are you? I am not sure that you really are. Because here are my 2010 Resolutions!!!

1. I was told about a list called "25 Books to Read Before You're 25" and I had always meant to do this. And now that I am on my way 26 I figure, I can still get it done. And I am going to post the list so that if you wish, you can try and do it too.

1. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
2. The Power of One by Bryce Courtenay
3. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee-DONE
4. The Jungle by Upton Sinclair
5. The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
6. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
7. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
8. The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway
9. The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova
10. Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
11. Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card-DONE
12. The Quiet American by Graham Greene
13. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
14. The Stand by Stephen King-DONE
15. Animal Farm by George Orwell-DONE
16. On the Road by Jack Kerouac
17. Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk
18. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck-DONE
19. The Crucible by Arthur Miller-DONE
20. Ishmael: An Adventure of the Mind and Spirit by Daniel Quinn
21. Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe
22. The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas-DONE
23. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain-DONE (A long time ago!)
24. Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlossinger
25. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson

2. Keep up with my blog on a more regular basis.
3. Go to the gym at least once a week.
4. Get my book at least half-way complete.
5. Go to church services twice a month.

And I am going to STOP right there. Know why? Because any more and I am going to look at that list and say, FORGET IT and go eat a package of Oreos. I really want to keep my resolutions this year. I cannot imagine how great I would feel about myself if I kept up on this.

As for Ryan, well I thought you might ask. His list includes:

1. Become less of a "fat fat fatty" by eating better & exercising more.
2. Not allowing copious amounts of laundry to hang out in our bedroom.
3. Clean up after pets better.
4. Go back to school by end of the year.
5. Be able to run 10 miles in one stretch
6. Finish transcribing Grandpa Jim's book

And for those of you who think number one on Ry's list is mean, HE SAID IT THAT WAY! I wrote it exactly how he said it. So don't go writing me saying "Of you're so mean!" or "Why would you say that about Ryan?" He wanted me to put it that way. Maybe he should add "Quit being so self-hating" on his list as well.

So there you go Internet. Now you can watch me tank this year too. Happy 2010 People!

What I Have Learned

This year has been one hell of a ride! I have had some of the scariest moments of my life to the very best. I have learned a lot about people, the love of God, and about myself. And now as we prepare for 2010 which is sure to keep me on my toes even more than 2009 did, I thought I would share some of these things with you.

1. No matter what you may have in mind, God may have other ideas. Trust him…he ALWAYS knows better.

2. There is nothing in this world better than baby smiles.

3. Love truly can be unconditional.

4. No matter how many times you say no, the people will always approach you in the Smith’s parking lot and offer you tamales at a “very good price.”

5. No matter how nicely you speak to your car, it can still break down every other month.

6. There is a difference between saying you have faith and truly having it-the trick is knowing which category you fall into.

7. Never falter in what you know to be the right thing. You will be rewarded for sticking to your guns.

8. Mean people usually stay mean no matter what you do. Don’t waste precious time on them.

9. Kids aim to please-take what they say at face value and don’t be offended or angry when you hear they told someone else the complete opposite because they just want to make people happy.

10. There are hypocrites all around us and some of them we cannot avoid even though we wish we could. Just keep trying to be nice and know that they will “get theirs” in the end.

11. Deployments are hard whether he is across country or across the world. But he will love you no matter the distance.

12. Give yourself LOTS of time to assemble baby furniture.

13. You do not get a special reward for having a “natural birth” so take the epidural when offered. Labor is not fast and after 16 hours of it, you’ll regret not getting it sooner.

14. Trust doctors.

15. Trust yourself.

16. Your family can be your biggest assets even though sometimes they are just big assholes. (Love you all! HAHA!)

17. Tough times are only tough for a little while.

18. Some people NEVER change because they just don’t care.

19. It’s okay not to like someone, but it is not okay to treat them that way.

20. Never turn your back on friends even if mistakes were made. Some people are meant to be friends for life and God will always help you find each other again.

21. Certain clothes can be ruined by vomit and/or baby poop no matter how many times you wash them.

22. Get to know your neighbors-they can turn out to be the most amazing people.

23. You never really know people until you’ve seen them play Beatles Rock Band or 80’s Sing Star.

24. A dog chasing laser pointer is really funny.

25. Love your family because you’ll miss them when they leave. And never forget that they do the same for you.

Much love to you all! Good luck in 2010!

Sick and Tired

The last week I was home with a tiny sick baby. This was my first real experience with Gabe being sick. It started early Tuesday morning. Gabe woke up for his normal 3 a.m. meal and was very congested. He was snorting and gurgling with every cry. I felt bad for him but there isn’t much you can do. With a baby as young as he is, there aren’t really any medicines that will help with congestion.

I should have known something else was wrong, however, because he wouldn’t go back to sleep. Ry and I assumed it was because he couldn’t breathe well and so he was fussy. We each took a turn that morning and I thank Ryan for his patience. I was with Gabe until about 4:15 am and then Ryan took him until about 5:30 which is when he needed to get up and start getting ready for work. So then I took him back but noticed that he was very sweaty and warm.

I kept him with me until about 6 am because I needed to take a shower so that I could get ready for work as well. Ryan held him while I jumped in and decided to take him temperature. When Ryan took it, it was 99.6 which isn’t really high. I got out of the shower and Ry headed off to work. Me, being the paranoid person that I am, decided to check his temperature again at about 6:30 and it now read 100.4. Now I am worried. Not only is he plugged up like my bathtub drain and can’t breathe because of it, but now he is running a fever. There is no way I am taking him to daycare now.

So I call my work and let them know I won’t be in. (BTW, I work with the most amazing people! They were 100% understanding of the situation. THANKS LADIES!) And then I called my doctor’s office. Gabe’s doctor opens at 7 am which is nice and they worked us in at 8:15 am.
We get there and do all the basic stuff. Listen to his heart rate-sounds good. Take his weight-now at 14 and ½ pounds. (The average weight for a 3 month baby is 12.56 Pounds and Gabe at 10 weeks weighs 14 and 1/2….BIG BOY!) Then they check his temperature-101.6 HOLD ON! That is not normal, nor is it good. So the doctor comes in and listens to his lungs and decides that Gabe needs a chest x-ray. Oh hell. I almost passed out when he had his blood drawn, how am I going to handle this?

And yes, the passing out comment is true. At Gabe’s one month appopintment back on September 21st Gabe had to have his blood drawn to get his PKU test done. So I am holding Gabe while the nurse pricks him in the heel with a needle and starts squeezing blood onto this test card. I am doing okay and I start feeling hot and sweaty. Then my vision quickly starts to get tunneled and as I am asking my sister Becca to take Gabe from me, me knees get weak and my stomach drops. I hurried and sat down and put my head between my knees. Becca said I was really pale and it took me a few minutes to recover. I was glad she was there to help me. So after that, how I am supposed to take him for a chest x-ray? I am going to be sick!

I walk over to the area of the clinic that does x-rays. The technician is nice and tries to explain to me that because babies can’t sit up, nor will they hold still that there is a “device” they use to help to get the x-ray. He went on about how it works and more about why but I quit listening when I saw the contraption. It looks like a torture device. And good ol’ Google had an image of one.

There are a few things wrong with this that I would like to point out. First, the room appears to be brightly lit-this is not the case. The room was almost dark. Also this baby is facing out-in real life, they face a wall so the machine can take a picture of their back. And lastly, and most important, notice how calm this baby is. THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN! The baby in this picture must have been given a valium to keep him this still. The plexy-glass sides of this torture device are cold and when the stuff a baby into this thing when they aren’t feeling good, the cold doesn’t help. Poor Gabe was hungry, sick, cold, and probably scared and I couldn’t do anything to help him. He just sat there screaming, which the technician informed me was really a good thing because it means his lungs are working and they will get good images. Sorry but that doesn't make me feel any better about my screaming baby. It just makes my boobs and my heart hurt.

So after that they take a flu test on him and they send us on our merry way. Turns out Gabe didn't have the flu. Do I feel like I put him through hell for nothing? A little. But he won't remember it so I am okay. I say this but years later when he is in therapy, he will being this up. And then I will really feel like an ass.

He is doing much better now. Still a little congested and snorts when he eats. It makes me laugh which makes me sound kind of mean. The point of this blog was to share my first experience with Gabe being sick and it is turning out to be more proof that I am a HUGE jerk. I should probably stop talking now.

Here is proof that Gabe is doing better. And do you notice his onesie? It says "I LOVE MOMMY" and yes, that is a shameless plug for myself. If child services ever shows up at my house I wil put down my crack pipe, take the beer away from Gabe, and put this onesie on him. It is my proof that I am a fit parent. What kid would wear this if it wasn't true?

Gabriel Scott Baker

It is amazing to me how quickly life can change. I have said this before on my blog, but it more true today than EVER before. And hopefully, most of you know why I say this.

Friday August 28th started like any other day. I got up and headed to work. After work I was scheduled to head over to the hospital to have my weekly NST and AFI test. Since I have had pregnancy induced hypertension my doctor has been checking the baby and I weekly. When I got to the hospital for test Friday, however, the results were concerning. My fluid levels weren’t great and consequently my doctor had me go down to labor and delivery. Dr. Yamashiro then headed over to meet me and tell me that he wanted to induced my labor now, rather than wait until Ryan could be here on September 4th.

At first I was devastated. I didn’t want to think about Ryan not being by my side. But then I realized that even more important was that the little baby patiently waiting inside me. So I took a deep breath and prepared for the biggest moment of my life.

The whole process started about 6 p.m. and just kept going. I won’t go into a lot of the details because, lets face it, they are nasty. I will say that I waited until 1 a.m. until I got my epidural, which I consider pretty good. I held out as long as I could before getting the drugs. I was scared to get the epidural but I am very glad that I did. Once I was able to handle (Or simply not feel.) the pain, I was able to relax and focus on the baby.

Things still did not go as we had hoped however. My cervix would not dilate past a 4 and it needs to be at a 10 for the baby to be delivered “the regular way” and the medication that they were using to try and force my labor was beginning to cause the baby some stress. And so finally, after 16 hours of labor, the decision was made to send me in for a C-Section. It was by far, the scary news I had received so far.

I called Ryan to let him know and all I can say is that talking to him helped me so much. He told me how much he loves me and how he knew this was what was best for all of us. Just hearing his voice in those last few minutes was a huge comfort. I was also EXTREMELY lucky to have my wonderful family there with me for the whole process. My Dad, Mom, sister Becca, and brother Byron had all been there with me through the night and were there to be with me for the next part. (Mom and Becca even got to come into the O.R. with me as I had my C-Section.)

Let me tell you one thing about a C-section-it is the weirdest thing you will ever feel. Although the sensation of pain was gone, I could feel the pressure of everything. It was nuts! I just kept thinking, “Behind this curtain, I am being cut wide open…weird.”

After just a few minutes, my doctor says, “Okay Rachel, lots of pressure here.” And I could feel it. My lungs felt like they were suddenly under tons of pressure and then it was over. My Mom and sister both gasped and cried I see the head. And then it was informed that I had a baby boy…a BIG baby boy. So big that the anesthesiologist said loudly, “Whoa! Big boy!” I was anxious to see him for myself. The nurse carried him around the curtain so that I could take a quick look before he was sent to the nurses to get cleaned up and checked.

His lungs were gunky with fluid and that took some time to get cleaned out. He went to the NICU for about 30 minutes as I was patched up and wheeled back to my room. They got him taken care of and then he was brought in to my room.

It is amazing how much I love my “little” guy. Gabriel Scott was born August 29 at 11:35 am. He is 8 lbs 12 oz and 21 & ½ inches long at birth. He eats well and is doing everything a newborn should be doing. I am also doing really well. Yes, I hurt (especially when I sneeze, cough, or laugh!) but that is only to be expected. No fevers or vomiting. And I have even been able to get and walk quite a bit and…TAKE A SHOWER! YAY! There is nothing like taking a shower after being sweaty and tired for 24 hours.

I want to thank my family for being there for Gabe and I during this whole process. It was not easy for me to do this without Ryan by my side and I cannot thank my parents and siblings enough for all the time they have spent with me the last few days. And thanks to my Mom and sister for going to my house and doing some extra cleaning for me yesterday.

And thanks to Linda and Scott. Although you guys couldn’t be here when Gabe was born, I know that your hearts and prayers were with us both. It means so much to me to know that this baby has another loving set of grandparents. And I cannot wait for you guys to meet him. I think he looks so much like your son!

I want to also thank my cousin Nicole and my Grandma for coming to the hospital and being there for me after my surgery. I know that they love me because they are there in a snap when I need them. And I see how much they already love my baby and that means a lot too.

I want to thank Sera for coming over and seeing Gabe last night. She is going to be the best big sister that any little kid could ask for. She did nothing but stare at him, hold him, kiss him, talk all about him, and inform me all the things that she is going to do for him. She is such an amazing kid and I know that she is going to be a BIG help to me.

I also need to thank my husband. Ryan, although you haven’t been able to physically be by my side, I felt your spirit. I know that your whole heart has been here with us this whole time. And just hearing your voice makes me feel so much better about everything that has happened. This process hasn’t been easy for either of us, but I am here to tell you, Gabe is completely worth it. He is the most beautiful little boy I have ever seen and I can already see so much of you in him. I am afraid that as much I have tried to force him into being a tree-hugging liberal, your genetics are too strong and this kid is going to end up a gun-toting conservative. I love you so much more today Ryan than I did the day I married you. Thank you for giving me the gift of our son. Thank you more then you can ever really know.

And lastly, thank you Gabe. Gabe, though you may not realize this now, (because all you care about is eating and sleeping!) you have changed me forever. It is true when they say that the love you feel for your child is instant and powerfully so. You have made me a better person in just the short time I have known you. Your entrance into this world may not have been easy, but it was and always will be worth. You are the best thing to have ever happened to me and I can only hope that someday, you will understand just how special you are.

Please know Gabe that your Daddy and I both love you UNCONDITIONALLY! You are my special angel and I am so very blessed to be your Mom. You are handsome and sweet. And your skin always smell so good which is more than can be said of your Mommy right now. I am excited to see how you change and grow over time. I hope that I can be someone you look up to. I love you with all my heart my sweet Gabe-zilla.

Thanks again to everyone who sent their love and prayers my way over the past few days. Gabe, Ryan, and I are all great and we look forward to the future. I will keep the pictures coming. Love to you all!

Endings

I wish endings were easier. And I know the saying “With every end comes a new beginning” but it doesn’t feel that way. Even when the ending isn’t mine, I still feel for the parties involved-especially when one of those parties is a very beloved and cherished member of my family. And none of the pain or confusion that she is going through is her fault. It may seem like I am in denial when I say that it isn’t her fault but trust me, it isn’t.

And this person remains so strong. She just keeps trying to push forward even though she doesn’t understand the situation. She puts on her brave face and just keeps on loving even though she doesn’t understand why things fall apart. She was talking to me the other day and questioned why God would lead people to believe one thing, if it turns out that the exact opposite is what ends up happening. And it hurt me so deeply that these words would come out of her mouth. I don’t want her to end up questioning God because of a bad situation…not now and not ever.

So how do I make this easier for her? The situation doesn’t involve me beyond seeing her have to go through it. I can’t repair whatever damage has been done to cause this painful ending. But how can I really help? I advise her to just pray for happiness. Pray that everyone involved comes out of this with some sort of peace and contentment. I continue to remind her that I love her and that I am always here if she needs someone to talk to. And I tell her that God works in mysterious ways and sometimes, things are only meant to be for a short period of time and then we are destined to take a different path. I guess, in a way, I echo the saying that even I don’t understand: “With every end, comes a new beginning.”

I keep her and the other parties involved in my prayers. All I want is for this special member of my family to find peace and to not end up feeling ill-will to God because she doesn’t understand why something like this would happen. And I pray for the other people involved that they try to continue to do what to best for them and find the happiness that they need, however they need to.

I know this is all so vague and it is meant to be. I don’t want any feelings to get hurt or for people to get angry. I just wanted to vent a little about what is going on. It helps me sort my own thoughts out so that I can continue to try and be supportive. And please don’t worry about anything. Mostly this blog is to help me get some of my feelings and worries off my chest so that I can continue to be as good of a support to my loved one as possible.

Much love to you all and thanks for letting me vent.

A Not So Quick Update

Hello to everyone! Another week down and another week closer to everything changing…for the better of course. J I will be 28 weeks pregnant on Sunday and I could not be happier that things have still continued to go well for me. I will admit that certain things are getting harder to do, like vacuuming my stairs or carrying heavy bags of litter for the ferrets. But for the most part, I am still managing just fine on my own. Don’t misunderstand, however, I still miss Ryan like crazy and wish with all my heart he could just come home.

Ryan, as always, does everything he can for me even though he is a few hundred miles away. He calls every night and we talk. Sometimes it is only for a few minutes and other times it for an hour or so. We have also taken to using MSN video chat so that we can talk and play UNO or Poker at the same time. It has helped in me missing him quite a bit.

The baby is still doing well. I am getting used to feeling all the movement, which is a weird, but great feeling. My next doctor’s appointment is this next Tuesday. Hopefully I will not have gained 10 pounds, which what I feel like has happened. So far my weight gain has been perfect! Not gaining too much and not gaining too little. It is still strange to see how big I am starting to get and how tight my abdomen is. And the hot flashes….OH THE HOT FLASHES! I will literally have sweat SOAKING my hair at random times during the day. And all of this effects my sleeping and makes me very tired during the day. Pregnancy is supposed to be this beautiful thing, IT AIN’T! See that? I used the word ain’t folks…can you see the seriousness of this situation?

My step-daughter Sera was telling me the other night that I should put another baby in my tummy now so that it can start growing while the other baby is in there. That way, when the first baby comes out, I will already have another cooking. I wasn’t about to explain to her how having babies works…I’ll leave that conversation for a later date. But I do appreciate her enthusiasm at Ryan and I having babies and that she wants us to have many. I wanted to tell her that once I was able to swim to shore through the lake of sweat I am currently producing, I might be in a state of mind where I would consider doing this again. (Also as a side note, Sera is convinced that we are having a boy this time around. I shudder to think what happens if this one comes out with a vagina.)

Since I last updated, Ryan and I also celebrated our 2 year anniversary. It was a blessed event where I splurged and ordered take-out steak from Texas Roadhouse and chatted online with Ryan while playing UNO. Fabulous! Not exactly the dream evening that we would have liked but it was nice. And Ryan sent me roses, of course, which were gorgeous and perfect. I am one of those women who LOVES getting flowers and Ryan totally plays into that. I married one smart cookie! And he also does it because he loves me unconditionally and always tries to show me that. Such a great guy!

Also, for those of you who are in the loop, my most wonderful Grandma Diane is doing well. Her thyroid cancer is a stage 2 cancer which means she has to do radium therapy. The last I heard was that when the doctor removed her thyroid he got all of the cancer and that once she finishes her radium therapy, she should be good to go. Of course, this my Grandma’s second cancer so I’m sure she’ll have lots of follow up tests in the future to make sure she is still doing well. I am glad that her prognosis is so great and that she has such a positive outlook. I think a positive attitude makes a big difference in recovery.

That is going to be it for this update. I want to send love to all my friends that have been keeping in touch with me. And of course to my family, including my in-laws, who are always so supportive and caring! Love to you all until next time!

I think I coughed my lung up a few days ago

So I know that pregnant women usually get sick. I have not been one of those women. So this current illness I was lucky enough to get has been VERY ANNOYING! As far as I know, which isn’t much, pregnancy sickness doesn’t included fevers, sore throat, coughing, congestion, body aches, and fatigue all at the same time. No no, what I have is a special brand of yuck. This is nature’s way of getting even since I missed out on morning sickness. And what is even better, because I am pregnant, there is not much I can take. No decongestants for this mother-to-be. I can suck back cough drops and orange juice and pray for the end to come soon.

I can also lie on the couch and complain as Ryan does his very best to make me feel better. He has been the only thing to really help me this entire time! He has been truly amazing! He gets me soup when I am hungry, makes me push fluids even when I don’t want to, and keeps me well supplied with cough drops. Not to mention all the hugs and kind words when I am cranky and miserable. (Ryan is the best husband!)

I am finally starting to feel better today. My cough sounds terrible and my voice is a little froggy but other than that, I am okay. Getting sick is never fun but being sick, being pregnant, and not being able to do much about it is not something I would recommend. Thanks again to everyone who was concerned. Really, I think I am on the mend. But if I suddenly disappear for a month, call Ryan. I may be stuck back on the couch in my blanket cocoon.

It Is True! We Are Having a Baby!

Hello family and friends! I am finally going to get around to updating my blog on all the events of the past month or so. (It has been a freaking crazy month as many of you know.)

At the beginning of January Ryan and I found out that I am pregnant. We didn’t announce it until I had seen my OBGYN however. So, for those of you who were surprised that we waited until almost 10 weeks to tell you, don’t feel bad-you weren’t the only ones who found out that late.

Ry and I are really excited for the baby to come. Allow me to answer some questions that you may have. (These are the same questions that I have been asked by nearly everyone I have told.)

Q: How are you feeling? Any morning sickness?
A: I am feeling great! I have not had any morning sickness.

Q: Do you want a boy or a girl?
A: What we are really hoping for is a healthy baby. But we would like a boy.

Q: When do you find out what you are having?
A: When it comes out of my uterus.

Q: Really? You aren’t going to find out?
A: Nope. We want to be surprised.

Q: Well how are you going to plan for clothes and stuff?
A: I just won’t buy pink or blue. It really won’t be that hard.

After these series of questions, I usually get horror stories from other people’s pregnancies. Things like “24-hour labor” or “9 months of morning sickness” or other gruesome stories I won’t be sharing on a blog. Are those type of stories meant to comfort me? Because if you are trying to show your support and make me feel better, you are failing…MISERABLY!

Also, I guess I should tell everyone that Ryan leaves for his air force training on April 1 and will be gone until the beginning of October. This does mean that he will miss the birth of our child. We didn’t plan for this to happen. We had signed up for Ryan to go to his training before we even got pregnant. We can’t change it, or delay it, or fly him home. Trust me when I say, we have asked everyone and looked into any possible option. It sucks, but that is just the way it goes.

I am going to be fine and so is Ryan. He is bummed he is going to miss everything and I know that his heart will be with me no matter what. I am sad that I have to go through it all alone. But really, I won’t be alone. I have got amazing family and friends who are going to help me every step of the way. It isn't the same as having Ryan there to hold my hand, but honestly, it really is the next best thing. And if I can’t have Ry with me, there isn’t anyone else I could imagine having there except for my Mom and Dad. So I know that it will all be okay.

Sorry to have taken so long to post about the baby. Life has just gotten a little crazy as I am sure you can imagine. I am just over 15 weeks along and I feel great! Thanks for all the warm wishes and congrats. Much love to you all!

2009

I am done appologizing for not blogging as much as I should. Most of you know that I am a very busy person anyways.

2008 came to close with a lot of goings-ons. Right around Thanksgiving, Ryan's dad Scott came to Utah, with Ryan, in a U-Haul to bring us some furniture for our new home. It was great to see Scott and spend some time with him. (We don't get to see much of Ry's family because almost all of them live in Montana.) And it was fun to get all of our new furniture moved in and give us a place to sleep. And we will be forever grateful for all of Scott's help and all of Grandpa Willard's old furniture.

At the beginning of December I started my CNA class. It was a great experience. I passed my classes with flying colors and now have to pass my state test to become an official CNA. But I feel like I really learned a lot and am excited to really put my training to good use.



Aroud this same time Ryan's grandpa Willard got stuck at the Salt Lake aiport on his way to Washington to visit Ryan's uncle Mark. The weather was terrible and so Ryan and I got to have our first real house guest. It was fun to have Ry's grandpa there for the night. (Willard got to see what happened to all his old furniture!) I love Ry's grandpa! I think he is such an interesting and kind person and I know both Ry and I enjoyed the short visit with him.

We also got to have Sera with us for Christmas this year! It was so much fun to have her around the house. She brings such an incredible energy when she comes. Ry and I both miss her so much when she isn't here that we really enjoy spending time with her when we get it. I only wish it could have been for more than a couple weeks.

Ryan's Mom Linda also came down for a few days during the Christmas holiday. It was so nice because she hadn't been able to come when Scott came right before Thanksgiving. I hope that she enjoyed her time with Ry, Sera, and I. Again, my only regret is that the visit was so short. But I am sure that we will all be seeing each other again soon. (Hopefully we can all meet up again for Easter like we did last year.)

We also had a birthday party for Sera while she was here. Her birthday is Jan. 5 and we had her party with us on Jan. 2 We went to Hollywood Connections and let the kids go crazy! I think that it went great and that everyone had fun. They got to go on rides, play in the play area, go mini golfing, play in the arcade, and eat pizza and ice cream. And quite a few kids were there. Nicole brought her 3 boys: Cam, Jackson, and Chris, as well as a little girl that she watches. Our neighbors Jay and Rosie brought their 2 boys Chance and Logan and our other neighbors Randy and Nina brought their girls Amelia and Maggie. And by the end of the night, all of them were worn out.

Sera left on Jan. 3 which was very sad for both Ryan and I. The house got really quiet after that. The other thing that sucked was we had to have Sera up at 5:30 am to get her to the airport by 6:00 am for her flight...it was way too early for both Sera and myself. Neither of us are morning people.

2008 ended on a really positive note and I can only hope that 2009 is just as great! Thanks to all of our family and friends that helped us with our new home. And a big thanks to my parents who spent countless hours at our place helping to paint and fix things. (WE COULD NOT HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU GUYS!)

Ryan and I love you all and hope that your 2009 has started off well. Keep in touch! Much love!

The Pressure Is Just Too Much

Ryan and I are in the process of buying our first home, (Details to come!) and so of course I start thinking about things we will need. We won’t be moved by the 31st of October, of no no no, but it did make we want to park my butt over there on Halloween night and hand out candy to all the trick-or-treaters that will be knocking on doors. So the other night while at my local grocery store, I stood in the Halloween isle in awe. Even since I was a trick-or-treater the candy options have grown. From chocolate eyeballs, to Spiderman gummies, to the traditional candy corn, there was just about any type of candy you could think of! The whole experience made me feel very nostalgic and brought back some found memories of being out with my friends. In fact, there is only one Halloween I can remember being miserable and that was the year it was raining and freezing and we didn’t even make it halfway around the block before my Dad came and picked us up in the car.

As I stood there, debating over my hundreds of options and weather or not I really wanted to buy the candy to go and sit in an empty house, it got me thinking about what my candy would say about me. Come on folks, we all know that as kids, we knew which houses to go to first for the good stuff. We all wanted the chocolate fun size bars and no taffy. We knew which neighbors might give us extra if we acted super sweet and cute. We also knew which ones to avoid unless we wanted a lecture about being too old to trick-or-treat when we were 11-years-old and out with a large group of friends. We knew to watch for groups with little kids because people we almost always in a more generous mood if you had some little kids in your group. Oh yeah, to kids, Halloween is as much of a tactical battle as it is a night out with your buddies.

What would my Halloween candy say about me? Well I could go with the bag of chocolate body parts. They are your standard chocolate that is now wrapped in tinfoil painted to look like a severed bloody foot or a bloodshot eye. This candy says, “I get you kids. You like creepy gross things and I am cool enough to give you what you want.” But two problems arise with this: 1. Little girls dressed as Sleeping Beauty may not be down with it and 2. Although the candy is pretty cool, they are still small and let’s face it, small candies are not always a big hit.

Another option I saw was your traditional bag of Fun Size Snickers bars; a staple for all trick-or-treaters. They are a tiny candy bar small enough to hide from you parents so that you can eat it when you go to bed even though they said only one piece and you had that after dinner. Plus Snickers have it all-chocolate, caramel, nougat, and peanuts. They are diverse enough to satisfy almost anyone. But then I got to thinking about what that said about me…everyone hands out Snickers. It shows that I am lazy and don’t care enough to put serious thought about my candy. Nope, I don’t want to be lazy so I will have to find something else.

Moving on I see bags of little boxes of Milk Duds and right next to them are bags of Blow Pops that are suckers filled with gum. These are two options that kids love! One, the boxes of Milk Duds are something a little different and they look bigger even though each box only contains about 4-5 Milk Duds, but with kids it is about what LOOKS bigger. And suckers with gum, well that is a candy that just keeps on giving! First a delicious crunchy outside that has some lasting power and then BAM! Gum in the middle to chew until it is tougher than a piece of leather and just about as flavorful. These were two types of candy that said I really understood what the kids want…I was going to be a great house for the kids to go to! But then it occurred to me…what this candy might say about me to my fellow neighbors who are parents. I am giving their children sticky, messy, chewy things that will rip out their fillings, get stuck in their braces, or make the couch a sticky mess! So I put the candy back and moved on deciding that I don’t want a mob of angry parents coming after me.

Handing out candy that isn’t individually wrapped, such as candy corn, would make me appear creepy, like I was trying to poison the children. Passing out pixie sticks could possible create a state of anarchy with sugar overload. And if I were to give them Frooties, well I can consider myself the lamest person in the entire neighborhood.



I was getting a little freaked out. This was a lot of stress and pressure. As the new person on the block I didn’t want to end up a laughing stock because I was handing out the wrong kind of candy. I wasn’t sure what to do. So I figured, screw this and grabbed myself a bag of Reeses Peanut Butter cups and headed to the check out lines. I will deal with it next Halloween. Now all I have to do is tackle what kind of Christmas lights I am going to hang up which may give me ulcers.

The more things change...

Things are always changing which is something I blogged about not long ago and mostly I can handle those types of things. But lately I have found myself wondering what the hell is going on. Although nothing really major has happened, I feel like the world to flying by me like a high speed commuter train and I am desperately trying to grab on to it as it screams past. Worst case scenario there: I am going to get my arm ripped off.

Work is going great. Between all the drama that has occurred and changes in staff, the remaining employees are trying the best they can to keep up. The doctor that I work for is pretty amazing. I admire his drive and determination but with those come a great deal of change. Don’t misinterpret what I am saying. Working for this clinic has literally changed my life and allow me to explain how.

I know that many people in my family have been concerned that I have not finished college. But the reason for that is after two years of higher education (and at times just being high while getting an education) I didn’t know what I wanted to do. My love for art history remains which is what I was going to major in, but I just didn’t have the desire to go to school for it. And I am a rational person (sometimes) and figured why waste my money on something that I am not really interested in doing for the REST OF MY LIFE! So much to the dismay of my parents, grandparents, and other family members, I did what I felt was best for me and stopped going to college.

I always figured that someday I would go back when I found that one thing that I loved doing enough to get the piece of paper with my name on in fancy calligraphy. And low-and-behold, once I started my current job, I knew. I love being in medicine. Not necessarily being a doctor because there are some things that I just couldn’t handle, but being involved in patient care. I currently work in the front office which has taught me more in two years than all of my past jobs combined! I love working with patients and trying to help them.

My boss, knowing that I love my job, has now offered to send me to school to become a C.N.A. (Certified Nursing Assistant) which I know, is low man on the totem pole in medicine, but it is a start. And if I find that I love it, I can always go further. Maybe medical assistant or RN…who knows? Or maybe I won’t like that and can take what I do learn with my C.N.A. and go into medical practice administration. All I know is the job I have has shown what I want to do with my life. I have the desire to be the best C.N.A. possible and look forward to make a difference, even in a small way.

We haven’t set a date yet for the schooling because my working is going through some other changes right now. Possibly around the beginning of November is what I have been told. And with all these things going on around me I feel like I am stationary and the rest of the world is a blur. Ryan and I have gone in a different direction than we thought we were with our lives, meaning no active duty right now. My family is changing all the time. And here I am, standing still.

I will keep you all updated on the progress. Who knows? Things may change again and I may never get my C.N.A. but hopefully that won’t happen. All I know is that I am anxious to get going with my life. I want to get going to with the life Ryan and I have together. So thank you to everyone who supports Ryan and me in everything that we do. We couldn’t do any of this, without you guys! Much love!