Read me Oprah!

It has been a long time since I have done a top ten. And because my life long dream is to be the host of The Late Nigh Show, now currently being hosted by David Letterman, I work hard on my top ten’s. I also work hard on really bad jokes and offending Oprah. Turns out, 99% of my jokes are bad without trying. And as for offending Oprah:

HEY OPRAH! YOU SUCK!

Just kidding Oprah. Now give me money!

Anyways, it has been long enough since going through childbirth that I have developed a new list that is sure to please my sister. Please her funny bone and also scare her into NEVER ENGAGING IN “THE BUSINESS” AGAIN! And I will make no apologies to Spencer, her husband, this time. Oh no…he is on his own if he wants, you know, ever again. What am I? Some sort of pimp? I don’t think so.

So proudly I present:

Top 10 Things That SUCK About Having a Baby

1. Only Being Able To Have Ice Chips: That’s right! Once your water breaks it is ice chips only from there on out. And if you have a long labor, I don’t care what flavor they put on the damn ice, it is still ice. Frozen chunks of water that are not equal to real food in anyway.

2. Having Your Water Broken: It is one thing for your water to break naturally I am sure. But to have it broken by a doctor to induce your labor, well, let’s just leave it by saying NASTY! And the even better part of it? Being in so much pain and hooked to so many machines that your Mom has to wipe you clean when you start feeling extra nasty. BTW, thanks for that Mom!

3. Losing Any Sense of Dignity and/or Privacy: I have had more people looking at or touching my “centerpiece” in the last 8 weeks then I ever dared to hope for. And seriously, after having about 4 different nurses and 3 different doctors check my cervix, by the time I got to my hospital room after having the baby, I wasn’t shy about letting those nurses check out my goods either. My Business saw more visitors during my stay at the hospital then actual people came to see my baby and me during my stay.

4. Being Forced to Take Drugs: Need I say more? I was feeling pretty good, even after having my abdomen cut open. So the nurses who kept coming in and insisting that I take something for my pain, I get what you were doing but you were kind of coming off like drug dealers.

5. Epidurals That Wear Off: Oh yes! It is possible that your epidural will wear off. About seven hours after getting my epidural my left leg started getting some feeling back. And at that really sucks when my contractions are really REALLY strong. So be mindful of your epidural and don’t be afraid to start complaining if you start feeling things.

6. Having a Sister With A Weak Stomach: There was two times where my most wonderful sister almost passed out. Once when I was getting my epidural and then once in the operating room when Gabe was being removed from my uterus. I love my sister and could never thank her enough for being there for me during my whole labor process. (She even slept on the floor in my labor and delivery room!) But when you look over and notice that your sister is gone, it is really scary! So Becca, for future reference, just sit on the floor from the get-go so I don’t have to worry about you fainting and smacking your head.

7. Hospital Food: I don’t need to say much else. Between being bland, sometimes cold, and rubbery (Yes, rubbery.) there was only about one thing I enjoyed about hospital food and that was all the milk and juice I could drink! Seriously! An unlimited supply of beverage. And anyone who knows me knows I put that to good use.

8. Having Every Nurse Tell Me How Precious My Baby Is: Yes, I know he is amazingly adorable. But seriously, you don’t have to kiss my butt. You don’t have to try that hard. I know he is cute. And I am sure you get tired of saying that to every new mother that crosses your path. You don’t have to do that with me. It’s cool because I seriously know how cute he is. I mean come on, he is half me and half Ryan, how could the kid not be cute?

9. People Who Told Me “It only gets worse from here.” Maybe it got worse for you but I am looking forward to the future with Gabe. Sure he will do things to scare me and drive me crazy but I am okay with that because I will get so much in return. Maybe you only say that because your kids were all assholes.

10. Getting Used To Breast Feeding: All I am going to say here is OUCH! And that we be enough on this subject.

So there you have it. My latest and greatest list. I hope you enjoy. And seriously Oprah, if you are reading this send me some money because diapers are expensive.

Ready or not...

HOLY CRAP! I’m officially scheduled for my induction! ON SEPTEMBER 4TH! YYYAAAAYYY! Words cannot express my joy. When my doctor looked at me and said, “Well you are dilated at a one.” I about peed on his exam table. (Of course that might have something to do with the giant baby lying on my bladder.)

Now we pray that I hold out until September 4th. It is such a fine line I walk. My doctor wanted me to induce on Monday and I looked at him like, “Really? You expect me to be ready by then?” And then I quickly said “No. I want to be induced on September 4th.” It was then his turn to respond with surprise. Normally when he tells pregnant women, “Let’s get that baby out of you.” They jump at the chance. And here I am telling him, “Thanks but…can I be pregnant for just a few more days please?” I then reminded him of my reasons and he was okay with waiting.

The only downside? My wonderful and amazing doctor will not be there. He goes out of town the morning on September 4th and so it will be one of his partners that will deliver my baby. But honestly, I trust everyone at that clinic and I know I will be in good hands. And it is so important to me to have Ryan there. There is no one else I really want there. And I know that my family understands that.

And, of for some reason, this baby decides he/she cannot wait until September 4th, at least Ryan will be home and will be able to see his baby and hold them. My worry was that Ryan would fly home on September 3rd and leave on the 7th without getting to meet his new spawn.

Naturally I will keep my fingers (And legs!) crossed for September 4th. I am asking all my family and friends to keep me, Ryan, and Peanut in their prayers. Please pray that we can all be together when Peanut is welcomed into this world. And should Peanut decide not wait, please pray for a safe and healthy delivery. I am sure all of you have been anyways, but I still feel like I should ask again.

As for being ready for next week, I am not. But this kid is coming no matter what so that is just the way it is. My floor needs some serious vacuuming and my house needs an over-all clean. My sister said she might be able to help me out this weekend in getting a few things done. And I cannot say how grateful I am for her in that aspect since I was told to REST REST REST in order to better my chances for next Friday.

Thanks again for everyone’s concern and prayers. Please keep them coming! And of course, I’ll be sure to keep you updated if things should change. MUCH LOVE!

37 weeks and counting...

I am almost there. Mongo Peanut and I are now at 37 weeks. And it is weird to me to think about how fast time has really gone. I thought I would be miserable and that time would move at a glacial pace but instead it has gone by quite quickly. And now, we are hoping to induce labor 2 weeks from today. It makes me excited and TERRIFIED at the same time. Sure I can play it cool but that thought that sooner (MUCH SOONER) than I am probably ready for, I will be a full time mother of an infant-a tiny human who is 100% dependant on me. That’s a lot a pressure. My dog will get into the garbage or eat a sock if she gets hungry and I am not around. Hell, she’ll drink from the toilet even if her dish has water. She can survive!

But I am all this new little person will have. This kid might be in big trouble. I wish I could say I was confident that I won’t screw this poor kid up but let’s be honest…if it comes out NOT spewing sarcasm or the word “Damn” we will all be surprised. It probably has a very warped view of the world just from hearing me rant about the right-winged ass hats in Washington and will also already have a strong opinion on both recycling as well as using organic products when available. SEE RYAN! This is what you get for going to Mississippi…your conservative opinions have not been heard! Your child will come out of the womb flashing a peace sign. HAHAHAHA!

It is also weird to think about my baby being 37 weeks old in womb. When it is 37 weeks old out of the womb, which is what, 8 and ½ months? CRAZY! Peanut is 37 weeks now and still dependant on my body for life. At 37 weeks on the outside, Peanut will be eating food and could possibly be crawling! (Another educational fact: 50% of babies crawl at 7 months.)

As for my doctor’s appointment this week, not much has changed. I thought I would get more news than I did, honestly. I left a little discouraged. The closer I get to having this baby, the more I realize I NEED RYAN THERE! I know that I can make it without him, but I don’t want to. I want the father of my baby there to hold my hand and our baby in Peanut’s first few moments of life. I desperately need Ryan to be there. And after my appointment on Tuesday, I was hoping my OBGYN would give me more hope that we can induce on September 4th. But he didn’t promise me anything and just told me not to worry about what my cervix is doing and to focus on resting and staying healthy. Easier said than done for this Mama.

So as much as I wish I could update everyone with some new and exciting news, I can’t. And I never thought I would have to say this EVER in my life but, let’s all pray my cervix is doing something by my appointment this next Tuesday. Time is getting closer and I need this to happen. I’ve already had a chat with Peanut about getting ready to go, but I am not sure “he” is listening.

Thanks to everyone for asking and being concerned about the baby and I. I assure you that we are both doing well and I promise to keep you update on any new developments. Love to you all!

An Update...On Mongo

The Baby is HUGE! There is no other appropriate way to start this blog. Did you hear that Internet? HUGE BABY! So huge, Ryan has nick-named the baby Mongo. I warned Ryan that if he keeps up the name calling, our giant baby is coming to come out of uterus and kick his ass.

Last week during my OBGYN visit, my doctor noted that my fundal height (A measure of the size of the uterus used to assess fetal growth and development. It is measured from the top of the uterus to the top of the pubic bone in centimeters. MY BLOG IS EDUCATIONAL NOW!) was larger than it should be. This measurement, including a gain of 5 pounds, encouraged him to order a fetal stress test, test for the amount of amniotic fluid, and another ultra sound to determine my estimated fetal weight.

I was nervous about these tests because my high fundal height could mean many things. I could have been retaining amniotic fluid which would have resulted in me having to have amniocentesis, which is where they stick a BIG needle in my abdomen to drain out some of the fluid. Too much fluid can drown the baby. And the other option was that my due date was miscalculated and I am farther along then we thought. Or…I have produced a large child. It is normal for women who have gestational diabetes to have big babies, but I tested negative for that.

So last Friday I had the testing done. Stress test was normal…GREAT! Amniotic fluid test was normal…FABULOUS! Ultrasound….this is where we hit the speed bump.

Allow me quickly to educate you further. Below is chart to show you estimated fetal weights per week. Please look down at week 35 and notice the weight is pounds/ounces.


8 weeks 0.63 inch 0.04 ounce
9 weeks 0.90 inch 0.07 ounce
10 weeks 1.22 inch 0.14 ounce
11 weeks 1.61 inch 0.25 ounce
12 weeks 2.13 inches 0.49 ounce
13 weeks 2.91 inches 0.81 ounce
14 weeks 3.42 inches 1.52 ounce
15 weeks 3.98 inches 2.47 ounces
16 weeks 4.57 inches 3.53 ounces
17 weeks 5.12 inches 4.94 ounces
18 weeks 5.59 inches 6.70 ounces
19 weeks 6.02 inches 8.47 ounces
20 weeks 6.46 inches 10.58 ounces
21 weeks 10.51 inches 12.70 ounces
22 weeks 10.94 inches 15.17 ounces
23 weeks 11.38 inches 1.10 pound
24 weeks 11.81 inches 1.32 pound
25 weeks 13.62 inches 1.46 pound
26 weeks 14.02 inches 1.68 pound
27 weeks 14.41 inches 1.93 pound
28 weeks 14.80 inches 2.22 pounds
29 weeks 15.2 inches 2.54 pounds
30 weeks 15.71 inches 2.91 pounds
31 weeks 16.18 inches 3.31 pounds
32 weeks 16.69 inches 3.75 pounds
33 weeks 17.20 inches 4.23 pounds
34 weeks 17.72 inches 4.73 pounds
35 weeks 18.19 inches 5.25 pounds
36 weeks 18.66 inches 5.78 pounds
37 weeks 19.13 inches 6.30 pounds
38 weeks 19.61 inches 6.80 pounds
39 weeks 19.96 inches 7.25 pounds
40 weeks 20.16 inches 7.63 pounds
41 weeks 20.35 inches 7.93 pounds
42 weeks 20.28 inches 8.12 pounds
43 weeks 20.20 inches 8.19 pounds

At 35 weeks the average baby weighs 5.25 pounds. What is Mongo currently clocking in at you ask? 7 lbs and 3 ounces! Almost 2 extra pounds! HOLY CRAP! So either my due date is off, which is always possible or….GIANT BABY AHOY!

Now it is up to my doctor as to which direction I go. I doubt I will be going all the way to September 11th now because the baby is expected to gain 0.5 to 1 pound a week from here on out. You do the math…that would be over 10 pounds! No thanks! My lady parts don’t want to suffer through that. (I apologize to any reader who may be offended by the mentioning of my lady parts but it is my blog.)

Ryan can be home the night of September 3rd and will fly back September 7th so we are still hoping to induce that weekend. But now, instead of inducing early, we may be praying that the baby doesn’t come before then. AHHHH! Peanut is giving me heartburn and now, anxiety!

Also I would like to thank those of you who were able to attend my baby shower. It was a lot of fun and I got lots of cute things for Peanut. And a special thanks to Linda for the presents for the baby shower and from Las Vegas! I am sorry that you couldn’t be there but I know, in spirit, you always are. J

That is going to sum it up for now. I will update all of you as I get more info on the expected date of delivery. Much love from Ryan, Rachel, AND MONGO!

A Good Top 10...For Becca

Apparently I am scaring my sister Becca out of having kids. This was not my intention with my Top 10 lists. And poor Becca, she wants to have something like, 25 kids so I guess I had better do as she requests, and give my Top 10 things I enjoy about being pregnant. (I am only doing this because Becca is hand-making the invitations to my baby shower. She is Martha Stewart-The Next Generation.)

The Excuses: You know what I really great about being pregnant? I have an excuse for EVERYTHING! It is great! I don’t look great one day…I am pregnant. I get extra cranky cause I stayed up too late watching television…I am pregnant. I ate McDonalds for dinner…I am pregnant.

The Excitement: Not only am I excited about this kid that cooking, but so is everyone else! It is great. Ryan is. My family is. His family is. Sera is. I love the feeling that surrounds this child. Peanut (That is the baby’s nickname.) will be one loved little baby!

Cute Baby Stuff: I get to buy adorable things for this baby and Ryan totally doesn’t care. I my nursery set is freaking cute! I will post a picture of what the blanket from the set looks like so that you may bask in its cuteness as I do often do.

The Fact That I Don’t Have Gestational Diabetes: This is pretty self explanatory but still, the fact that my blood sugar isn’t goofy during pregnancy is just one more thing that I haven’t had to deal with.

No Morning Sickness: So many women complain about being so sick during pregnancy and I have not been sick at all. I cannot even begin to tell how great it is that I have not had to spend my days with my head inside a toilet bowel. I mean, on top of toilets being full of germs no matter how much bleach I use, throwing up is just unpleasant.

Reading to My Unborn Child: I believe that the little baby in my abdomen can, in fact, hear me. And my friend from work named Janell gave me this great book by Dr Seuss called “Oh Baby! The Places You’ll Go” which is a rewrite of his classic “Oh the Places You’ll Go” but is specifically done to be read to babies in-utero. I love that even though it my words may not come across clear, that my baby can still hear my voice.

When People Can Tell I Am Pregnant: The first time someone looked at me and asked, “So when are you due?” was one of the most satisfying moments of my life. Yes, I am going to be a mother. Thank you for noticing and not just assuming that I am getting fatter.

The Kicks: I know that I have complained about these kicks waking me up on my list before, but they are also one of the coolest feelings that I have ever experienced. It is Peanut’s way of saying “Hello. I am still here.” I love it in a very special way.

The Naps: Finally, I can nap all I want and people don’t look at me like I am lazy. I simply tell them that I need extra sleep because I am making another human being!

All You Need Is Love: I know that being pregnant has made that statement even truer than it was before. I love Ryan more now than I did before. This baby makes my love for Sera stronger in that I realize now, how much of a miracle she is. It makes me love my Mom and Dad even more to know that they went through all of this to get me into this world. And my sibling for being so supportive. And more love to Ry’s family for how happy they are to have another little person joining the ranks. I there are more people I could list that I love even more now, but it would take way to much time to list you all. But you know who you are and why you are special to me. There is just so much love in the air and I couldn’t be happier.

So there you go Becca. Are you happy now? Will you please tell Spencer that you have changed you mind and someday you will let him have Spencer Jr.? I don’t want to be held responsible for him never getting an heir! And thanks to everyone who reads this and gets a laugh. Love to everyone!

P.S. I am going to say one thing that I hate…sorry Becca! The orange drink that I had to gag down to do my gestational diabetes test was AWFUL! I am glad my results came back normal but the prep was not pleasant.

My New Top 10

Sitting at my desk this morning I was re-reading my blog and saw my list of the top 10 things that were driving me crazy about being pregnant. As I predicted, that list has changed. And so now, I shall update you on my newest top 10. (Please note: some of these things will be the same because sometimes, the fun never ends!)

1. The Sweating: Have I mentioned how sweaty I have become? The hot flashes are causing me to sweat gallons upon gallons of sweat. IT IS GROSS! I don’t like being the sweaty person.

2. The Hunger: I am always hungry! I can eat a meal and literally like an hour later I am starting to feel a little hungry. And by 2 hours later, look out! I will eat anything I can that isn’t labeled toxic.

3. The Hip Pain: As most pregnant women can tell you, the bones in our bodies start to get softer as they prepare to have a baby. And my hips, HOLY CRAP! They are getting so sore and after some of my longer days at work, I can barely walk that night.

4. The Heartburn: I have heard of pregnant women having awful heartburn and I get to join that club. I am eating so many Tums that I should just consider taking stock in the company.

5. The Hair Growth: As I was warned by other mothers, the rate of hair growth during pregnancy can change. And it has! OH JOY! Not to mention I had to pluck a hair off my chin this morning that was almost an inch long. How embarrassing is that?

6. The Bathroom Urgency: Does this really require an explanation? I am sure that this urgency is only going to get worse as the baby grows and puts more weight on my bladder.

7. The Hormones: I am cranky…A LOT! The end.

8. The Planning: Having a baby requires a lot of planning that I wasn’t prepared for. Sure the picking out of cute baby items is great, but do I really have to have a “Birth Plan”? I mean, isn’t the plan that is comes out after a certain point and then give you hell for the next 18 years? Doesn’t that sum it up?

9. The Rude Awakenings: This kid likes to move quite a bit and I am totally okay with that. I would rather have the baby be moving than not moving. I am totally fine with it except for the times I get a swift kick to my insides at 5 am and it wakes me up from sleep. But, I guess I should just get used to being woken up at all hours of the night since soon, it will be cries, and not kicks that sound the call.

10. The Sleeping Habits: I can no longer sleep comfortably. That is all there is to it and there is nothing I can do for the next 12 weeks. I have accepted that I will never sleep “normally” again.

So that is my latest list and undoubtedly it will change again before the next 12 weeks is done. But I am getting very excited to meet this kid who gives me so much grief sometimes. Every time I see a baby now, I get antsy. I want one and luckily, I won’t have to wait too much longer. Much love!

P.S. I am going to finally post my ultra-sound picture of my baby since many of you have asked. Sorry I have been a slacker!

A Not So Quick Update

Hello to everyone! Another week down and another week closer to everything changing…for the better of course. J I will be 28 weeks pregnant on Sunday and I could not be happier that things have still continued to go well for me. I will admit that certain things are getting harder to do, like vacuuming my stairs or carrying heavy bags of litter for the ferrets. But for the most part, I am still managing just fine on my own. Don’t misunderstand, however, I still miss Ryan like crazy and wish with all my heart he could just come home.

Ryan, as always, does everything he can for me even though he is a few hundred miles away. He calls every night and we talk. Sometimes it is only for a few minutes and other times it for an hour or so. We have also taken to using MSN video chat so that we can talk and play UNO or Poker at the same time. It has helped in me missing him quite a bit.

The baby is still doing well. I am getting used to feeling all the movement, which is a weird, but great feeling. My next doctor’s appointment is this next Tuesday. Hopefully I will not have gained 10 pounds, which what I feel like has happened. So far my weight gain has been perfect! Not gaining too much and not gaining too little. It is still strange to see how big I am starting to get and how tight my abdomen is. And the hot flashes….OH THE HOT FLASHES! I will literally have sweat SOAKING my hair at random times during the day. And all of this effects my sleeping and makes me very tired during the day. Pregnancy is supposed to be this beautiful thing, IT AIN’T! See that? I used the word ain’t folks…can you see the seriousness of this situation?

My step-daughter Sera was telling me the other night that I should put another baby in my tummy now so that it can start growing while the other baby is in there. That way, when the first baby comes out, I will already have another cooking. I wasn’t about to explain to her how having babies works…I’ll leave that conversation for a later date. But I do appreciate her enthusiasm at Ryan and I having babies and that she wants us to have many. I wanted to tell her that once I was able to swim to shore through the lake of sweat I am currently producing, I might be in a state of mind where I would consider doing this again. (Also as a side note, Sera is convinced that we are having a boy this time around. I shudder to think what happens if this one comes out with a vagina.)

Since I last updated, Ryan and I also celebrated our 2 year anniversary. It was a blessed event where I splurged and ordered take-out steak from Texas Roadhouse and chatted online with Ryan while playing UNO. Fabulous! Not exactly the dream evening that we would have liked but it was nice. And Ryan sent me roses, of course, which were gorgeous and perfect. I am one of those women who LOVES getting flowers and Ryan totally plays into that. I married one smart cookie! And he also does it because he loves me unconditionally and always tries to show me that. Such a great guy!

Also, for those of you who are in the loop, my most wonderful Grandma Diane is doing well. Her thyroid cancer is a stage 2 cancer which means she has to do radium therapy. The last I heard was that when the doctor removed her thyroid he got all of the cancer and that once she finishes her radium therapy, she should be good to go. Of course, this my Grandma’s second cancer so I’m sure she’ll have lots of follow up tests in the future to make sure she is still doing well. I am glad that her prognosis is so great and that she has such a positive outlook. I think a positive attitude makes a big difference in recovery.

That is going to be it for this update. I want to send love to all my friends that have been keeping in touch with me. And of course to my family, including my in-laws, who are always so supportive and caring! Love to you all until next time!

So Much...

I haven’t been blogging for the last couple months. Period. Life has been crazy and I have had many other things to do. I am however going to take a moment now to update.

Yes, Ryan is gone. I drove to Mississippi with him April 1st to April 5th and then with many tears and much sadness, left him there. Saying goodbye is never easy. But saying goodbye for six months to the father of your unborn child is much harder than I expected. I cried my whole flight from Gulfport Mississippi to Denver Colorado. I was sitting on the very last row with my hood up on my black jacket, sunglasses on, quietly sniffling and wiping away my tears. People probably thought I was a terrorist. I am sure the flight attendant with nervous about asking me if I wanted anything to drink because who knows what chain of events he might set off. Instead, I ordered water with extra napkins. He kindly brought me extra tissues instead.

Since that day, things have been okay. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss Ryan. He is my better half and it sucks not having him here. But I survive and so does he and we both know that what he is doing is important for the future of our family.

Right around my birthday, Ryan was very sweet and got me a new dog. Her name is Freya and we got her from the Utah Humane Society. We aren’t 100% sure what kind of dog she is. She must have some beagle in her and who knows what else. We have heard everything from Collie to Pit Bull to Jack Russell terrier. All I know is that I love her. She is a great dog. Well…she is a great dog with the exception that she is Houdini Dog. And when she escapes from her kennel, she makes a mess. A VERY BIG MESS! HUGE!

At first Ryan and I had her in a smaller wire kennel. Her escape from this was partly our fault. She was too big for this kennel and simply pushed on the back of it and popped the side open. From there she got into the garbage and used our hallway as a restroom. I think she also ate a pair of my socks.

So we upgraded. We bought a larger enclosed plastic kennel. She did fine in this kennel for almost 3 months. That is, she did until a couple weeks ago. I get home from a long day of work to be greeted at the door by my little escapee. I am also greeted my a massive mess including with little was left in my garbage can since I had taken it out the day before as well as a box of cereal that she had gotten out of my cupboard.

Upon inspection I discovered that she escaped by chewing a hole in the side of her kennel. No, I am not kidding. When I left for work, there was no hole. When I came home there was a hole, a dog on the loose, and very large mess. Don’t believe me? I have a picture. In one day, this dog chewed a hole in her kennel!

So now I am mad…mad at myself for being out-smarted by my dog. So I go to Petsmart and buy another wire kennel, but this one is much bigger. While there I tell a couple members of the Petsmart staff what my dog has done and they are amazed. Amazed by my escape-artist dog. I would go so far as to say they were impressed by her breakout skills.

But I can’t just leave it at the wire kennel now. She has already proven that she can pop the side open with these so I enlist the help on my Dad who uses nylon zip-ties to secure the kennel. Now I am sure she can’t get out.

What happened next is all my fault. I underestimated my dog. I should have known. The new kennel made it one day with no jail breaks. By day two, she had formulated a plan. At some point during the day, my dog got the bottom lock on the kennel door open and was able to then push the door open enough to squeeze through the bottom. And the reward for my mistake? The biggest mess she had yet to create. Not only did she crap on my floor, shred every bit of garbage she could get her teeth on, empty the bottom to shelves of my bookcase onto the floor, and tear open a box of potato flakes and bag of flour, but she also destroyed the plastic blinds in my kitchen and chewed 2 of the slats of my wood blinds in my living room. She wasn’t just upset she was in the kennel, she must have been furious and I paid the price for my ignorance and over-confidence. I once again was out-smarted by a 25 pound dog!

So now she is back in the kennel and I am having to padlock the door shut. It has held up for three days but I am no longer going to be arrogant about it. She has gotten the best of me three times now and I am not going to let that happen again. Hopefully this one will hold, but I am not going to hold my breath. My dog should be in a circus freak show. This is why she ended up at the Humane Society…she got the best of her last owners. But not me! I am determined to win this war!

Other than all of that, things are going just fine. The baby seems to be doing well and developing great. I am now about 23 weeks pregnant. And I am feeling all 23 weeks now. My first trimester was so easy that my second has been much harder. My OBGYN says this should be my “honeymoon period” but I am not feeling it. I didn’t have a hellish first trimester so all the changes I am experiencing now seem much worse than they may have for other women.

I have hip pain, bloating, fatigue, heartburn, and hunger. LOTS OF HUNGER! I can eat a meal and 60 minutes later, I am feeling hungry again. It is nuts! And my pants….I am wearing pants that have a stretchy panel in the front to accommodate my ever-growing belly. I feel like a damn Chia pet! All I can do the water myself and watch me grow. My weight gain has been perfectly normal but still, I feel like I have gained 20 pounds in this last month instead of only 4.

But I am happy with my development. Things are normal and I could not be any more grateful. I know life with my new baby will not always be this easy or normal but I can only count my blessing and continue to pray that things continue in this direction for the rest of my pregnancy.

Thanks to everyone who has kept in touch. I am always thankful for your love and support. I will keep you updated and hopefully my next blog won’t take so long that it’s title will be “IT’S A BOY!”

My Top 10

It seems like now that I am pregnant, I have much more to say which equals much more blogging. (What this really means is I have more to be sarcastic and whiney about.) So I have compiled a list of the current things that are annoying me about being pregnant.

My stuffy nose-a fun and unexpected side effect caused by the changes my body is going through.

My fatigue-apparently when your body is using all its energy to create someone else’s body, you become exhausted!

Constantly being thirsty-I am drinking water all the time now which makes me need to use the bathroom frequently.

People telling me what is good for because I am pregnant-Thank you, I know I should be eating more veggies, getting lots of rest, stopping the cocaine use…ect ect.

Sneezing-any woman who has been pregnant knows what I mean here!

Hormones-I am already bitchy enough as it is, I don’t need any help.

People scolding me for not finding out what the sex of my baby will be ahead of time-my uterus, my baby, MY CHOICE!

Putting baby furniture together-Luckily Ryan does 99.9% of the work. But the .1% that I help with is annoying.

How sensitive I am to smells-I am constantly fighting back my gag reflex.

Buying new clothes-it is expensive and I am not going to be wearing them long.

I know that things are only going to get worse from here. Please, don’t send me emails telling me that is “best” is yet to come. I understand all of that. I am just complaining because I can. And it isn’t all bad...some parts are great.

Also, just a quick update. Ryan and I leave for our 4 days drive to Mississippi on Wednesday. I am going to drive down with him and then will fly back Sunday afternoon. The trip is going to be very bittersweet for me. But I will take my camera and hopefully get some pictures posted when I get back. Love to you all!

It Is True! We Are Having a Baby!

Hello family and friends! I am finally going to get around to updating my blog on all the events of the past month or so. (It has been a freaking crazy month as many of you know.)

At the beginning of January Ryan and I found out that I am pregnant. We didn’t announce it until I had seen my OBGYN however. So, for those of you who were surprised that we waited until almost 10 weeks to tell you, don’t feel bad-you weren’t the only ones who found out that late.

Ry and I are really excited for the baby to come. Allow me to answer some questions that you may have. (These are the same questions that I have been asked by nearly everyone I have told.)

Q: How are you feeling? Any morning sickness?
A: I am feeling great! I have not had any morning sickness.

Q: Do you want a boy or a girl?
A: What we are really hoping for is a healthy baby. But we would like a boy.

Q: When do you find out what you are having?
A: When it comes out of my uterus.

Q: Really? You aren’t going to find out?
A: Nope. We want to be surprised.

Q: Well how are you going to plan for clothes and stuff?
A: I just won’t buy pink or blue. It really won’t be that hard.

After these series of questions, I usually get horror stories from other people’s pregnancies. Things like “24-hour labor” or “9 months of morning sickness” or other gruesome stories I won’t be sharing on a blog. Are those type of stories meant to comfort me? Because if you are trying to show your support and make me feel better, you are failing…MISERABLY!

Also, I guess I should tell everyone that Ryan leaves for his air force training on April 1 and will be gone until the beginning of October. This does mean that he will miss the birth of our child. We didn’t plan for this to happen. We had signed up for Ryan to go to his training before we even got pregnant. We can’t change it, or delay it, or fly him home. Trust me when I say, we have asked everyone and looked into any possible option. It sucks, but that is just the way it goes.

I am going to be fine and so is Ryan. He is bummed he is going to miss everything and I know that his heart will be with me no matter what. I am sad that I have to go through it all alone. But really, I won’t be alone. I have got amazing family and friends who are going to help me every step of the way. It isn't the same as having Ryan there to hold my hand, but honestly, it really is the next best thing. And if I can’t have Ry with me, there isn’t anyone else I could imagine having there except for my Mom and Dad. So I know that it will all be okay.

Sorry to have taken so long to post about the baby. Life has just gotten a little crazy as I am sure you can imagine. I am just over 15 weeks along and I feel great! Thanks for all the warm wishes and congrats. Much love to you all!