The Pressure Is Just Too Much

Ryan and I are in the process of buying our first home, (Details to come!) and so of course I start thinking about things we will need. We won’t be moved by the 31st of October, of no no no, but it did make we want to park my butt over there on Halloween night and hand out candy to all the trick-or-treaters that will be knocking on doors. So the other night while at my local grocery store, I stood in the Halloween isle in awe. Even since I was a trick-or-treater the candy options have grown. From chocolate eyeballs, to Spiderman gummies, to the traditional candy corn, there was just about any type of candy you could think of! The whole experience made me feel very nostalgic and brought back some found memories of being out with my friends. In fact, there is only one Halloween I can remember being miserable and that was the year it was raining and freezing and we didn’t even make it halfway around the block before my Dad came and picked us up in the car.

As I stood there, debating over my hundreds of options and weather or not I really wanted to buy the candy to go and sit in an empty house, it got me thinking about what my candy would say about me. Come on folks, we all know that as kids, we knew which houses to go to first for the good stuff. We all wanted the chocolate fun size bars and no taffy. We knew which neighbors might give us extra if we acted super sweet and cute. We also knew which ones to avoid unless we wanted a lecture about being too old to trick-or-treat when we were 11-years-old and out with a large group of friends. We knew to watch for groups with little kids because people we almost always in a more generous mood if you had some little kids in your group. Oh yeah, to kids, Halloween is as much of a tactical battle as it is a night out with your buddies.

What would my Halloween candy say about me? Well I could go with the bag of chocolate body parts. They are your standard chocolate that is now wrapped in tinfoil painted to look like a severed bloody foot or a bloodshot eye. This candy says, “I get you kids. You like creepy gross things and I am cool enough to give you what you want.” But two problems arise with this: 1. Little girls dressed as Sleeping Beauty may not be down with it and 2. Although the candy is pretty cool, they are still small and let’s face it, small candies are not always a big hit.

Another option I saw was your traditional bag of Fun Size Snickers bars; a staple for all trick-or-treaters. They are a tiny candy bar small enough to hide from you parents so that you can eat it when you go to bed even though they said only one piece and you had that after dinner. Plus Snickers have it all-chocolate, caramel, nougat, and peanuts. They are diverse enough to satisfy almost anyone. But then I got to thinking about what that said about me…everyone hands out Snickers. It shows that I am lazy and don’t care enough to put serious thought about my candy. Nope, I don’t want to be lazy so I will have to find something else.

Moving on I see bags of little boxes of Milk Duds and right next to them are bags of Blow Pops that are suckers filled with gum. These are two options that kids love! One, the boxes of Milk Duds are something a little different and they look bigger even though each box only contains about 4-5 Milk Duds, but with kids it is about what LOOKS bigger. And suckers with gum, well that is a candy that just keeps on giving! First a delicious crunchy outside that has some lasting power and then BAM! Gum in the middle to chew until it is tougher than a piece of leather and just about as flavorful. These were two types of candy that said I really understood what the kids want…I was going to be a great house for the kids to go to! But then it occurred to me…what this candy might say about me to my fellow neighbors who are parents. I am giving their children sticky, messy, chewy things that will rip out their fillings, get stuck in their braces, or make the couch a sticky mess! So I put the candy back and moved on deciding that I don’t want a mob of angry parents coming after me.

Handing out candy that isn’t individually wrapped, such as candy corn, would make me appear creepy, like I was trying to poison the children. Passing out pixie sticks could possible create a state of anarchy with sugar overload. And if I were to give them Frooties, well I can consider myself the lamest person in the entire neighborhood.



I was getting a little freaked out. This was a lot of stress and pressure. As the new person on the block I didn’t want to end up a laughing stock because I was handing out the wrong kind of candy. I wasn’t sure what to do. So I figured, screw this and grabbed myself a bag of Reeses Peanut Butter cups and headed to the check out lines. I will deal with it next Halloween. Now all I have to do is tackle what kind of Christmas lights I am going to hang up which may give me ulcers.

The more things change...

Things are always changing which is something I blogged about not long ago and mostly I can handle those types of things. But lately I have found myself wondering what the hell is going on. Although nothing really major has happened, I feel like the world to flying by me like a high speed commuter train and I am desperately trying to grab on to it as it screams past. Worst case scenario there: I am going to get my arm ripped off.

Work is going great. Between all the drama that has occurred and changes in staff, the remaining employees are trying the best they can to keep up. The doctor that I work for is pretty amazing. I admire his drive and determination but with those come a great deal of change. Don’t misinterpret what I am saying. Working for this clinic has literally changed my life and allow me to explain how.

I know that many people in my family have been concerned that I have not finished college. But the reason for that is after two years of higher education (and at times just being high while getting an education) I didn’t know what I wanted to do. My love for art history remains which is what I was going to major in, but I just didn’t have the desire to go to school for it. And I am a rational person (sometimes) and figured why waste my money on something that I am not really interested in doing for the REST OF MY LIFE! So much to the dismay of my parents, grandparents, and other family members, I did what I felt was best for me and stopped going to college.

I always figured that someday I would go back when I found that one thing that I loved doing enough to get the piece of paper with my name on in fancy calligraphy. And low-and-behold, once I started my current job, I knew. I love being in medicine. Not necessarily being a doctor because there are some things that I just couldn’t handle, but being involved in patient care. I currently work in the front office which has taught me more in two years than all of my past jobs combined! I love working with patients and trying to help them.

My boss, knowing that I love my job, has now offered to send me to school to become a C.N.A. (Certified Nursing Assistant) which I know, is low man on the totem pole in medicine, but it is a start. And if I find that I love it, I can always go further. Maybe medical assistant or RN…who knows? Or maybe I won’t like that and can take what I do learn with my C.N.A. and go into medical practice administration. All I know is the job I have has shown what I want to do with my life. I have the desire to be the best C.N.A. possible and look forward to make a difference, even in a small way.

We haven’t set a date yet for the schooling because my working is going through some other changes right now. Possibly around the beginning of November is what I have been told. And with all these things going on around me I feel like I am stationary and the rest of the world is a blur. Ryan and I have gone in a different direction than we thought we were with our lives, meaning no active duty right now. My family is changing all the time. And here I am, standing still.

I will keep you all updated on the progress. Who knows? Things may change again and I may never get my C.N.A. but hopefully that won’t happen. All I know is that I am anxious to get going with my life. I want to get going to with the life Ryan and I have together. So thank you to everyone who supports Ryan and me in everything that we do. We couldn’t do any of this, without you guys! Much love!

You Gotta Have Heart

You have to have Heart,that is, unless you are John McCain or Sarah Palin. After they used the song "Barracuda" as a sort of theme song for Sarah Palin, Heart sent out a letter telling the GOP to stop. I pulled this article off of the TMZ.com website so check it out. Just one more reason I love Ann and Nancy Wilson! Two amazing women who stand up for what they believe in.

http://www.tmz.com/2008/09/05/republicans-lack-heart

Missing Ryan

I have to say that when Ryan told me he was going to Texas for almost 2 weeks for some training with the air force I didn’t make a big deal about it for several reasons.

1. After not seeing him for seven months, two weeks seemed like nothing. (Not that I still wasn’t going to miss having him around!)
2. He is going to Texas so he shouldn’t be at risk of getting shot that is, unless, he insults the great state of Texas.
3. He signed up for this two-week class. They asked for volunteers and he thought it would be a good idea to go.
4. This allows me to watch all the crappy reality television I want!

And let me tell you, the first week was pretty good. Ryan and I both have laptops with webcams so we were able to talk on the phone and see each other. It was almost like he was really here except that no one was stealing my blanket in the middle of the night. I did just fine, even with having to nurse he sick ferret back to health, which is a WHOLE OTHER blog in itself. (Who knew that ferrets could get pneumonia? Other than the vet, I mean.)

But ever since about Saturday night, I have really started to miss Ryan. Sure he steals my blankets in the middle of the night, but he will also get me something to drink before he crawls into bed if I ask him. Yes, he stays up late playing on his computer, but he always wakes up a little early the next morning to help me if I need him. Yes, he leaves soda can all over the room, but he also there to help me clean everything up when I need him. Yes, he watches anime on adult swim, but he always invites me to watch it with him so we can spend time together. He’ll even watch my crappy reality television with me and what better to show someone you love them than watching shows you really hate and only complaining about it a little bit.

This week has been really awful without Ryan. I miss him so much it hurts. (I know that is really cliché but I can’t help that I didn’t come up with that phrase first! Here is a phrase that is all me: You’re as dense as the surface tension layer. Figure that one out!) He is my best friend and after two weeks without him, I really feel his absence. The room is a little cleaner but I don’t mind his clutter. I love Ryan and anytime I am away from him, I re-realize just how much he means to me and how much he impacts my life. I am so excited that he is coming home tomorrow night along with his anime, soda cans, and dirty socks!

Beijing 2008

Am I sports fan? Well based on how I look most people would say no but I am here to tell you, I LOVE SPORTS! I used to groan and complain when football season rolled around, now I wait on pins and needles. Watching Jazz games used to be equivalent for me of maybe going to the dentist. I hated to watch sports. Then I grew up a little and started to play basketball. And then in my teenage years Salt Lake was lucky enough to host the 2002 Winter Olympics. I think it is safe to say now, that I really enjoy watching sports and when I can, participating in them. And for me, the Olympics are the best sporting event EVER!

The 2008 Beijing Summer games have taken over my life! Every night I sit with Ryan or my family and watch ever event. I watch whatever is on! From gymnastics (GO NASTIA LIUKIN!), to diving, to basketball, and even some sports that I don’t the USA even have teams like handball and field hockey. I have immersed myself in these 2008 Olympic games.

I love the spirit of the Olympics. I love watching all the emotions that come with both winning and losing. I love all the personal stories of the athletes. Dara Torres, the 41-year-old swimmer that won not one, but three medals, is such an incredible person. She truly is what I would hope every athlete from the USA is. She is an incredible woman and I have enjoyed watching her journey. I hope she comes back in 2012 to London and kicks some more 16-year-old asses!

And who could be talking about the Beijing Olympics and not bring up Michael Phelps? Holy crap is that man amazing! I know that is arguable for whether or not he truly is the greatest Olympian of all time, but come on! If you want to look at total gold medals and at most gold medals won in a single Olympics, he is the best. Sure there are other factors that people will talk about but on that basis, and that one alone, Michael takes the cake! I think that there are arguments for other great Olympians but let’s let Michael have this moment…he has definitely earned it!

All in all, these Olympic games have been great and I am sad that they will soon be coming to an end. (Then what will I watch?) And my Dad put it so eloquently the other night when he said “I am glad that all of you kids have had the chance to be involved in sports. Sports really does help you become a more rounded human being.” And you know what Dad, I couldn’t agree more!

So many changes...

In the last couple weeks I have realized one very important thing: life can change in an instant…literally.

On August 1st my step-daughter Sera boarded a plane and returned to Arizona. And in less than 10 seconds, my life went from being a full time parent to not. She wasn’t here anymore. No more nightly bedtime stories. No more having dinner as a family. No more bath time or play time or any time. She is not here.

It was an intense feeling watching her turn her back on her father and I and head towards the security gate. I honestly couldn’t stand there and watch. For almost 2 and half months, my world was centered on taking care of her and being her mom and the moment she walked away, my time was over. It literally brought me to tears. I felt like, no I knew, that a piece of my heart was going back to Arizona and someone else was going to be in charge of taking care of her. In one moment, my life went from step-mom and care-giver to nothing more than a loving voice on a phone. I won’t get to hug her or kiss her goodnight. Now all I can do is try to talk to her on the phone, which is hard because we always seem to call when she is watching TV or playing with a friend or a cousin or getting ready to go and do something. Sera doesn’t often like talking on the phone-she is too high-energy for that. All Ryan and I can do is try to call her often but not so much that she gets annoyed with our calls and let her know just how much we love her and miss her.

I also witnessed my cousin Nicole experience something that changed her life almost instantly. Last Sunday on August 10th, my Aunt Kathy (Nicole’s Mom) was out ridging her horse and she fell and broke her neck. Let me first say that she is doing okay considering she is in the ICU. She can move her arms and legs which is lucky considering what she broke. She is still in ICU and is waiting to have a halo put on. After that, my guess is she will be in the hospital for a few days and then hopefully get to go home.

She doesn’t need surgery and she isn't paralyzed which is great. Yes, she in a lot of pain and she’s still worried that something could go wrong. But we are all grateful that she isn’t going to end up in a wheelchair or even worse, dead. For the last almost 48 hours, my family has rallied around my Aunt Kathy, her husband, and my cousin to give our love and support.

But again, this whole situation makes me realizes how quickly everything can change. My cousin Nicole went from planning a family camping trip one minute to trying to get to the University Hospital as quickly as she could to see her mother. My aunt went from just a normal ride on her horse one second to a broken neck the next. No matter what anyone says, life literally can go from one extreme to the next in a matter a mere seconds. What I have to keep reminding myself is that no matter what happens, life will go on. No matter what changes, weather it be good, bad, or indifferent, life will undoubtedly go on. And we, and by we I mean myself, can’t stop living because of fear or sadness. As Abraham Lincoln once said, “This too shall pass.” and it always does.

I want to thank everyone for the love and support that Ryan and I received while Sera was here and also when she had to go. My parents especially, deserve my thanks for all the things that they did for Sera, Ryan, and I this summer. They are wonderful parents and grandparents. I also want to thank my in-laws, Scott and Linda for the love and support they gave us as well. I know that Sera loved spending her week in Montana and Ryan and I enjoyed spending time with Linda and Ry’s brother Todd when they came to Utah. So thanks again to everyone and I hope that your summers have all been as good as mine.

Whoops!

Okay okay! So a few of you have mentioned that I haven’t updated in a while…and you are all right! Whoops! Sorry about that. Pretty much after Byron got home from his mission, things have been crazy. (Granted I could have made that time but ya know, I would rather hang out with my family.)

So yes, it is true! Byron got home from his mission and is doing great! He wasn’t really weird when he got back which surprised me. And he wasn’t as skinny as I would have guessed. But, when he came off the plane, he was wearing this Panama style hat which reminded me of Humphrey Bogart or some sort of Cuban drug lord-he is such a dork! He is now dating Becca Lesher, the same young lady he was with before he left for his mission, and is planning on going to Utah State in the fall.

I love having my little brother home! It had been two years since the family had all been together and lots of things have changed. But the moment we saw him, it was like nothing had really changed. He is still the Byron I remember, just tanner and reads his scriptures a lot more! I love him so much and I am glad that he made it home safely.

Since I last updated, my grandparents Jim and Diane, celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. It was really fun for all of us to get together and talk about how great our grandparents are. I had some really fond memories of them both considering I was privileged enough to live with them for two years.

My grandparents are a great example of how to make it work, even after 50 years. Things have not always been easy. In fact, there were times I would guess it was more like hell than paradise. But they have stuck through it and never gave up on each other. I am so happy for them and love them both so much! And I hope that they know how much of an amazing example they are to the rest of us. And considering so many of the grandkids are now getting married and trying to keep their own relationships strong, to have such an incredible example right in front of us, makes it that much easier. So congrats to them both! I love you guys!

Sera has also been here this summer which has honestly, taken up the majority of my time. It is amazing how much happiness she brings. Ry and I have been trying so hard to plan fun things and make sure that she has a good summer. Sadly, however, she will be going back to Arizona on Friday. I think about all the fun things we have done and it makes me a little sad to know that it is all going to be over on Friday. She is such a wonderful little girl and I consider myself lucky to have her in my life.

This past weekend was especially busy with activities starting with spending some much needed time with my cousin Nicole and her three boys. We went to her house for some hamburgers and play time. The kids spent most of the time playing games on the trampoline and swimming in the inflatable pool. It was nice just to let them play which has been able to happen much this summer.

Then Sera spent the first half of Thursday up at This Is the Place Monument with my family doing fun Pioneer activities and playing games. Ry and I didn’t go because it was supposed to be a morning only event and we decided to sleep in. So Sera went with my mom, dad, brother, and sister along with my sister’s husband and his family. According to everyone that was there, it was a great time. Now I kind of wished we would have gotten our lazy butts out of bed!

That evening the whole group, including Ryan and I, went up Millcreek canyon and had a barbeque. It was such a nice evening and we had the best spot for a campsite. We ate and relaxed and simply had a great evening. The kids played more games, had fun with hula-hoops, roasted marshmallows, and just enjoyed the outdoors. We also managed to get back into town with enough time to see some fireworks at Liberty Park. It was a long day!

Saturday Ry and I took Sera swimming to a local pool that has this great kid’s area. We had so much fun! I love swimming with Sera because she takes her swimming seriously. She loves racing and jumping from her Dad to me. She also loves to play pretend. For example, she and I were mermaids and the yellow elastic that had been in her hair was a magic ring and the brown elastic that had been in my hair was a bracelet of power. And Ryan? Well naturally he was the evil Shark Wizard that was trying to capture us and steal our magic jewelry. It was all very fast paced and mostly it was just Ryan swimming after us while we passed our miraculous trinkets back and forth. But even though it wore me out, it was still so much fun!

And Sunday Ryan and I, for some strange reason, thought it would be a great idea to take Sera to the Children’s museum. This is the first time we have gone this summer and once we are there, the screaming and whiney kids are a good reminder of why we don’t go to the museum more often. Sera, on-the-other-hand, loves that place almost more than she loves Christmas!

I don’t know how many of you are able to visit the museum, but it is packed with things for kids to do. From fake cranes, a playhouse, a grocery store, a farm, to art and crafts, and special exhibits, I don’t know how a kid could ever get bored! And I have to admit, I even find myself making sail boats out of muffin cups and playing in the water. It is a good time, once you get past all the “back ground noise.”

I am sad that it was out last weekend with Sera and I hope she has had a good summer. There have been some down times, like when she was super sick and barfing all over the place. Or when my mom and I had to remove the toenail from her big toe that she had stubbed. But I am pretty sure that she had a good time and I know for a fact, that Ryan and I did. We will miss her so much and look forward to spending the Christmas holiday with her!

As far as what's new with Ryan and I, things are still on hold. We haven't made any final decisions on the whole active duty airforce situation. We both still feel like it is really the direction we are supposed to head. Now all we have to worry about, is timing and switching career feilds and filling out papers and re-training and who knows what else! But honestly, I look at all these things that other people might think of as "a lot to deal with" and I don't feel any kind of anxiety at all. I truly feel like this is what he and I are supposed to be doing. And what is really weird about our decision to possibly become a military family, is that we both came to this conclusion sepperately. One day he approached me about going active duty and I told him that it was really weird he bring it up because I had thought about it too. I would have never just suggested it to Ryan because it is his life and joining the military full-time is a big thing. I would NEVER want to pressure him into something like that. But after he said something about it, it was like a light switched on for us. So hopefully, things will work out and everything will go smoothly. I doubt we will really move forward with those plans until after the end of August but I will keep everyone updated.

Sorry again to have taken so long in between posts. I promise to try and be better! All my love to all of you!